"Congratulations upon achieving your qualification"

I'm not officially a qualified barber at Level 3 Diploma!

Hard work, It's also means I PASSED MY KEY SKILLS ENGLISH!!

*PARTY POPPERS AND HATS!*

In other news, My thyroid I being a fuck up once again! Beta Blockers for Tea!

-Lily Hepburn

Not nice.

Feeling okay and moving on, then settling down to watch something we both watched together.
However I am a confident person, the TV is going over, your being errased from my mind and your gone :)

The Butterfly Effect. (Distraction Techniques)

1. When you feel like you want to SH, Take a pen and draw a butterfly on your arm or wrist (Wherever you SH)
2. Name the Butterfly after someone you love, or someone who wants you to get better.
3. You MUST Let the Butterfly fade Naturally, NO scrubbing off.
4. If you SH the Butterfly will be gone.
5. Someone else can Draw butterflys on you.
6. Even if you don;t SH but want to show your support, Draw a butterfly on your wrist and name is after someone you want to get better.

-Lily Hepburn

One of my most upsetting dreams.

Two nights ago I had one of the most upsetting dreams I've had in a long, long time.
I had, had a baby. Little girl called Molly, I'd brought her home and had hold of her. I held her head with my left hand and rested my right hand against her back.
I pulled her away to look at her, and she didn't breath. I became hysterical and tried to force her to breath and pressed into her body to make her breath.
But I couldn't do anything.
-Lily Hepburn

Blessings

A man cried because he had no shoes, he stopped crying when he seen another man with no legs.

-Lily Hepburn

Downton Abbey

Only 6 hours and 11 minutes to go until series 2 of Downton Abbey is aired.

Ive been so excited since the last season finished, I spent the entire night, last night watching the box set to gear myself up! I'm going to be all dolled up in nice PJ's to watch it!

My Ideal scenario's for this season would be ;

-For Mary and cousin Matthew to marry.
-For Sybil to have some sort of love affair with Branson.
-For William to be promoted to head footman!

Anyway I'm off to prepare for tonight, I'll be blogging almost immedatly after it has screened.

Love to all.
-Lily Hepburn

This was originally posted on Thursday, but Blogger is a tool.
 
Yesterday I was fine...
Last night I cried for an hour. Possibly, maybe perhaps it was a build up, like putting your hand under the tap and pushing it down so hard that nothing comes out, then when you let go, it bursts out. But once the water is released, the water becomes more calm.
Me and this tap have things in common... Yes I have just compared myself to a tap, I have hit new lows.
I think I've had my last good cry over you. I deserve a lot more than staying away and sobbing my heart out over someone who said they'd look after me and didn't.
As Jason said "TOO MANY BROKEN HEARTS"
Never do anything to make someone love you, other than yourself. Never wait around for someone, until they feel like they want you, always fall inlove with someone who'll do anything to get close to you.
 
-Lily Hepburn

My Blogger Is a knob

I won't be posting whilst it's behaving this way. I have so many blogs that have failed to send and now refuse to be pasted back on to here.

SORT YOURSELF OUT BLOGGER.

Disney always makes me understand how, sometimes, the world can be a lovely place. How people can be so talented, music can be so beautiful, images can be so wonderful and people can feel so happy.
-Lily Hepburn

Today I received an email from someone who broke my heart a couple of months ago.

I smiled when I seen his name, because for a moment he must have had to think about me, to send it.

I didn't read it. I just deleted it.

I then deleted his number.

I then also Deleted and Unfollowed you.

I feel fresh, clean and new!

-Lily Hepburn

It's 4:17AM to be precise.

I havn't been able to sleep. I've been unable to sleep properly for several weeks. I'll probably attempt to sleep after I've purged more thoughts out.

Today I have cried for about 2 minutes, I didn't sob, I whimpered a little. I whimpered because I felt ill, and that was all.

I have made a new friend. He seems very nice, and we have decided to go to Disney land, In a few months. It's more than likely NOT going to happen with how much money it will cost. And we're also going to see LEE NELSON.

I have to thank him for putting my mind off things, but then again It's unfortunate to tie everyone with the same brush, but I always fear people's reason's for helping from now on. However, it has been several weeks and he hasn't been nasty. Unlike Mr grump, as Mary calls him.

I've spent the entire evening watching Pushing Daisies. After I reached my 'happy place' I decided to watch Thumbelina, Anastasia, Snow white, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and The Swan Princess.

It definatly DID cheer me up, and now I'm lying in bed wondering why I've cried myself to sleep every night for almost three weeks, I've not wanted to leave the house and I've fallen out with so many people.

She was a very silly little girl.

People will break my heart, then others will fix it, then they will break it, then someone else will come along and fix it another time. It's a massive cycle is life, and I'm going to enjoy every moment of it I can!

-Lily Hepburn

BLOGGER HELP!

I can easily post blogs, but I'm not able to comment on ANYTHING. it says I'm not logged in.... even though I clearly am because I'm posting blogs...

Can anyone help me please?

At 20...

I still have a crush on Dimitri...

It is a little wrong, he is just ink and pixle's....

I'm never going to have Dimitri, or anyone like him, it would be unhealthy to establish a relationship with a 2D character.

We don;t always get what we want.

I've explained many time that life isn't about getting what you want, it's about accepting what you have, and being happy with it.

We can spend are days wanting new things; New clothes, New cars, to win the Lottery? It doesn't mean that if we don't get a Chanel dress, a ferrai and don't win millions of pounds, Does that mean we will be Unhappy? or does it just mean that we WANT it.

Nice Cuppa tea!

This is all I need in life at the moment.
And my best friend.
And Some Lee Nelson perhaps....

One day

When things are Okay again. I'll be sure to send you every letter I wrote, Every Blog I posted, and every Post-it notes I wrote about my broken heart on.

Note to self: Must by more Post-it notes.

I'm trying my best to put my mind off things.

I hate you.

A small part of me wants you, so badly, to read this.

Yesterday, I had the urge to go out and get laid. To get stoned. To drink and drink. And to not to be. I wanted to do anything to make me feel just slightly better about myself.

I'm not devastaed over you. Your the representation; Your everyone who has ever hurt me.

I'm not myself anymore, and don't even know who I am.

I'm finding myself CONSTANTLY blogging. Constantly eating, constantly making cups of tea, constantly dancing, and constantly shopping. Doing anything to put my mind off you.

But I still find myself constantly checking my phone for that little red flash, and jumping when it flashes to see if it's you.

It never ever is. You probably don't even think about me anymore. You've probably forgotten who I am. Even after saying 'I'll look after you' 'I want to be there for you'.

Bullshit.

I'm Meeting a friend tommorow. It makes me feel so happy that I can lie to people so easily now; she'll never know about what I have on my theighs and what I do when I'm sad. I have my own little world, The world I began to let you in and you completly shat over it all.

I don't need you.

You have left me in such a dark place the last couple of weeks.
I don't need you anymore.

Recently I have been diagnosed with something that has always effected me. It has always been there, and will probably always be there. It will more than likely effect every little thing I do and ever single relationship I have.

I need friends and lovers who will be able to pick me up in these bad times, and see when it's me and it's not this thing. I don't need someone who will leave me to be devasted as soon as it suits them.

I deserve ALOT more.

Never hate yourself completly. Always love yourself a bit.

Always find something.. Just one thing you love about yourself.

I have a big arse, I'm flat chested and have a strange nose.

But I love my Eyes, Even though I can't see it myse;f, I'm always complimented on them. No one will ever respect you if you don;t respect yourself. Love yourself and people will love you, however be egotistic, and people will hate you.

Too Many thoughts.

Too Many thoughts.
No sleep.
my hearts raciing.
I can;t stop thinking.
I want to smoke.
I want to drink.
I want to have sex with random people.

Then I realise this isn't me.
Then I want to purge.
I want to feel real again.

Today I had possibly the biggest breakdown ever. I screamed at my parents, smashed my room, I kicked and screamed until I had no air left in my lungs. I walked in the rain for 40 minutes and tried my hardest to clear my head.
The entire time, I thought about you, and how I wanted to tell you I was on the edge. I wanted you to call me and tell me you still cared and you wanted me to be okay, I so desperately wanted you to tell me you wanted me.
I'm so happy I have my best friend to help me through all this. I don't know where I would be without her.

Tears are like rain on a clamy day.

It isn't nice, but once the ntears are out of the way, the day can become fresher, cleaner and brighter.

I want to cry,

I want to cry and cry and pour my tiny broken heart out.

This isn't you. these tears aren;t for you, they're for every person who has ever broken my heart. The people who have been cruel, the people who have been heartless and the people who have left me.

Sometimes it doesn't take much for everything to eventually get too much for anyone to handle. Sometimes it's takes only the smallest crack in a wall to make the entire thing fall to the floor.

There was never an us.

I believed there was me and you. We spent all the time together and told eachother things hardly anyone knew. I don;t know why I believed for a second there was even an US.
This wasn;t your fault, and It wasn;t my fault. But I should have known all along that you could never ever love or care about someone who is an mentally unstable as I am, and I can never fall for someone when I don't actually know what 'falling' for someone means.

I don't blame you and I don't blame me. I'm sorry for always complaining, I annoy everyone all the time.

Unknown Idol

Have you ever loved someone? Not as in 'I want you to be my boyfriend' kind of love. The love of someone of the same gender? The same family?

Soemtimes you can lvoe someone, and they give you reasons to want to get out of bed in the morning. To want to improve the person you are, and to try ad live your life and best as you can.

You make me want to do this. You make me want to be a more stronger human being, and you've spoken to me once or twice. Retweeted me Once on twitter and given me inspirational quotes to live by. But you don't know me, you don't know my real name, Where I'm from or who I am.

I don't think I ever want to meet you, I don't want you to see the person that I am.

"Don't give up before the miracle happens"

Strength.

I've just got a cup of tea off my mother.
It's taking every strength in my body to NOT sob, to not be sick and to not admit that everything is getting too much.

My much awaited reply...

"If no one's ever told you before, allow me to politely ask you to get over yourself."

Wow... Now I feel special...

I've had my heart completely broken for the 3rd time in a couple of months. I seriously can not see myself picking myself up after this knock back.

I'd do anything for you just to phone me up and say you we're sorry for everything you've done, and to say you want me and you care about me and you want to look after me.

But that's not going to happen.

I know you don't care, I'd written letters, emails and texts and still have no reply.

If you cared at all you would at least try.

I've always been pretty sensible when coming to love, never letting anyone knock me down or make me feel more worthless than I am. I would never stand for this, However I believe it's easier to fall for a handsome face and kind words. More easier than we think.

To begin with, I was told I was pretty and fascinating. I knew never to fall for this, as I was far too clever. Then I seen him, and I felt about 12 again.

It didn't last long. He had a fiance and a child on the way. I would never ever be "the other woman". It's something I would never ever do.

Then I met Mr Indie. He seemed pretty friendly, flirtatious and rather charismatic. We went out for a drive and became friends, then decided to do something again. We hung out at his house, he kissed me, drove me home, then never spoke to me again.

I spent an entire week waiting around for him, questioning 'what had I done wrong?'

Then I met Mr Perfect. We wanted to be friends and talked about almost everything that had effected both of our lives. We were more similar than we originally thought. We got on so well and seen eachother everyday for a week. I met his mum and step dad and spent almost every minutes either being together, or talking to eachother. The only time we wouldn't speak would be when we were asleep.
Then he went strange. And didn't talk to me again, and when he did, it would only be short snappy words. A man telling me how much I meant to him and how much he wanted me, to suddenly meaning nothing to him terrified me.

After 8 days of not knowing what was going on, I wrote him an email explaining my feelings and begging to him let me know what was going on.

He didn't reply.

And left me waiting around like an idiot.

My luck must have ran out with "nice" guys, and I'm scaring myself when thinking perhaps my first boyfriend may have been the person who would love and look after me no matter how much we dissagreed.

Perhaps this is Karma's way of biting my arse.

Last week I wrote you a 5 page letter, explaining everything I feel about you. It's in the back of my purse right now.

Today I wrote an email to you. Begging that you would tell me everything that you felt for me and if you felt anything.

I sent it to so many people asking was it okay, was it too much, was it too little?

But the only person who's opinion I didn;t look at was my own. I'm terrified ofg my own opinion and all I seem to do lately is make mistakes.

"With every mistake we make, we learn more and more!" I just seem to make more and more mistakes. They multiply with everyone I make.