Wednesday 27 July 2011

I'll die

before I get to the place I want to be.

Some days I'm Ok.

I can cope.

I'm happy.

Then I'm sad...

So Sad...

I don;t want to be me...

I don;t want my features.

I don't want my body.

I don;t want anything.

Monday 25 July 2011

formspring.me

Ask me anything, I WILL answer no matter what http://formspring.me/LilyHepburn

Sunday 24 July 2011

Norway

I think it's horrific what happen 2 days ago in Norway. Innocent people died, and what's worse is this happens everyday, but it takes a high number of people to die before people realise how cruel the world can be.

The Human Race is a cruel one.

I was also saddened by the news of Amy Winehouse. As a fan of her's, and developing an obsession when I was younger, I was heartbroken to hear of her death. Yes she had an addiction, but she is still a human being Who made mistake. For anyone to say they don't make mistake it's a hypocrite. Her family have still lost their entire world.

It is possible to be sad over 2 things. Grief isn't a competition.

It's horrible how so many young people have died in the last few days, we need to be grateful for everything that happens and the people we have in out lives. Whilst we have them.

Sunday 17 July 2011

According to my PT

I've trapped myself in my own little world, I'm completly issolated even though people are all around me, and the only way to make me feel better is to decorate my 'little world' with material objects'.

It's terrifying how someone can meet you for an hour and tell you more about yourself, than you've been able to figure out for the past 5 years.

I always though discussing these thought's would cure everything. If anything I feel even more alone and isolated than I ever had before.

Feeling so ugly, horrible and inadequate for even my best friend.

Every perfect little thing I had in my life has been ripped from my finger tips over the last 5 years, I've been unable to control anything in my life, and even though my life has spiralled out of control, I've lost complete grip during the past 6 weeks.

I feel so alone.

So alone that the only kind of comfort I get is to buy myself pretty things, make myself look pretty and make people see the outside me rather than what's inside.

My Insides are distrubing, an my outside is disgusting.

Plain, Fat, Ugly.

Not even worth the tiniest look. My humour can't even make up for that anymore, Everyone just finds me pretty annoying.

The only kind of comfort I can get out of anything is to ***** & *****.

I feel disgusting yet so clean.

But 'Your fat, you don't deserve help', keeps creeping into my head,

Even if I was disgustingly thin I still wouldn't deserve help. I don't deserve anything at all.

I don't even deserve to live.

Thursday 7 July 2011

formspring.me

Ask me anything, I WILL answer no matter what http://formspring.me/LilyHepburn

What's the best way to cool off on a summer day?

STRIPINIT?

Ask me anything, I WILL answer no matter what

I don't like this feeling.

Not one bit.
I'm not myself, I know I'm not, I don't know where I have gone.
I've been here before, and I hated it.
I'm doing thing's I wouldn't usualy.
I'm terrified because I don't know what I'm capable of next...
I'm so terrified.