Tuesday, 14 February 2012

Ruth & Eamon Get off my TV!

They Drive me mental!

Happy Valentines day all.

Sorry I have always been promising you that I will blog more, but I never ever do! but I have figured a way to blog from my phone that I will try later.

Someone asked me the other day what this subject, Sadness and Depression, was really like. I couldn't explain it. I imagine you can only know how it feels when you have been you have been to the bottom of the lowest you could possibly be.

I can only describe it as a demon that takes over you and controls you and destroys you, taking every single part of you away from your body and leaving you empty.

He feels like a person, but he isn't, even though he is much stronger than any man you could possibly know. No, he is a product which consists of every bad,insecure and Vulnerable part of you rolled into one.

Last night, and today I have had urges. Urges that I haven't had for a while. I feel like he is grabbing hold of me, but I can fight this time, I'm stronger than I was before. I can fight this.

-Lily Hepburn

Sunday, 29 January 2012

#why do people only give a shit when it's about them? They don't care if I'm down, or how I feel.

your only ever bothered incase i ruin your imagine. If I'm not perfect, smiley and happy. I'm not good enough.

-Lily Hepburn

Monday, 23 January 2012

Depression is a buzzkill

More so When you were pretty much behaving like a rocket the previous night.

No, i hate this.

I feel as if i have no breath. Everyone around me is moving and I'm still.

I want this to go.

I hate it, or at least stay, please stop zig zagging out of control.

I can't handle this.

-Lily Hepburn

Sunday, 15 January 2012

Long time no blog.

Hello Readers!

So very very sorry for the lack of blogs.

So many reasons why. Possibly the main reason fo this is my lack of laptop and computer. It upset's because i love writing my feeling down and expressing myself through writing.

Also, one of the reason;s I have stopped blogging is my life. I came to realise that my blog was used for me to express my sad feelings an emotions.

I'm recovering; Well trying, and it takes alot of work and keepig busy. I'm s very grateful for my best friend and boyfriend for helping me.

I'VE also had a job... but now I don't... so no excuses for my lack of writing soon.

When I return from NEW YORK I'll do my very best to blog as much as possible.

So I'm not off to Take Diazapan and knock myself right the way out for the flight tommorow.,

I have a terrible feeling that I might die on this trip.

I love my Boyfriend
I love my Best Friend
I love my Family
I love my Cat & Dog
I love my life.

-Lily Hepburn

Wednesday, 30 November 2011

Attempting to blog after such a long time!

Hello Guys!
Very very sorry about my lack of Blogging. My laptop at home has gone down and my only access to the internet it's my blackberry which seems to have no internet between the hours of 10am to 11 pm and by then I'm always too tired to blog!
"Tired?" you say? "But she's lazy!" Well guy's, I am NO longer lazy, I know have a job, which I hate. Most horrible customer's in the world! But Marks and Spencer's pays decent money. I was quite happy in Debenhams, but I need money for New York in January. YES I'M GOING TO NEW YORK!
And I've just spend my last 40 pound on a dress!

As I've said countless times, very very sorry about the lack of blogging. I am still alive and kicking and living life much more than I was before! I hope you're all doing wonderfully well and please feel free to tweet me at @LilyHepburn or Message me on www.facebook.com/TheLilyHepburn

Take Care


Monday, 31 October 2011


I have a name tag...

And a Uniform...

and even a Debenhams fleece!!


M&S interview Aswell on Wednesday!

I've been wished luck close on 30 times, but does being wished luck, does that achieve anything. Does someone saying 'Good Luck' Suddenly make greek gods grant all your wishes??

-Lily Hepburn

Sunday, 30 October 2011

Blogging from an Apple Mac is pretty frustrating

But my boyfriend is in the bathroom and i PROMISED I would blog at least once a week. Even though it took me 15 minutes to type my passwprd in!

So this week has been pretty eventful, i got training in 'Debenhams' And also a job interview for "Marks & Spencers", Me and Chris also had our first fight which was pretty upsetting. But things are all better now!

Unfortunately I have been depressed a little more this week and sadly HAVE fallen back into the BP Pattern which i tried so hard to avoid. But whoever said Recovery was easy? If all journey's were easy would we ever feel happy that we'd achieved them??

-Lily Hepburn

Tuesday, 25 October 2011

Paranoia is a bitch!

I didn't lie to you. I am happier. But I've done what people do alot, and I've relied on others, and other things to make me happy. rather than just relying on myself.

I've relied on someone I've fallen in love with to do it for me, and even though I can rely on him, I can't rely on myself to trust him.

I'm happy but when he;s away from me, or he doesn't reply to a text or he mentions another girl, I know he's going to leave me and won't love me.

I HATE paranoia. It Irritates me.

-Lily Hepburn

Monday, 24 October 2011

Life Changing

It's amazing how something so trivial can change your life completly.

Since I've been Dating Mr C I've piled on almost a stone in weight!

Yes it's upsetting me, but I couldn;t care., Having On/Off Bullimia Since I was 7 I've always gone back to it when I'm down. I'm much much more better in myself now.

I know it's unhealthy and very un ME, to rely on a man to make me happy and to cure my ED, But It's happened. It's happened, so i'm going to enjoy it as it lasts.

I've neglected my blog for a while now, But I promise to blog at LEAST once a week.

I just don;t wish to fall inlove the habbit of relying on my Blogger to vent my feelings noiw that I have found a way to make them much much better.

-Lily Hepburn

Thursday, 13 October 2011

Hershey's, Kisses & mini's

The past 3 weeks, my life has been turned upside down for the best. I am finally happy. I feel accepted and wanted. I am happy.

My life these past 3 weeks have seemed to be about chocolate and rides in his mini.

I'd be lying if I said I havn't found a new trust in people. He has changed me and I am happy.

It sounds stupid so Quickly, but I am happy.

I havn't been blogging since I've been 'happy' MAybe that's a good thing.

I'm loving my life.

I'm having bad days, but don't we all.

But Now my days are only 20% bad, rather than 99%.

Thank you <3

-Lily Hepburn

Tuesday, 20 September 2011

"Congratulations upon achieving your qualification"

I'm not officially a qualified barber at Level 3 Diploma!

Hard work, It's also means I PASSED MY KEY SKILLS ENGLISH!!


In other news, My thyroid I being a fuck up once again! Beta Blockers for Tea!

-Lily Hepburn

Monday, 19 September 2011

Not nice.

Feeling okay and moving on, then settling down to watch something we both watched together.
However I am a confident person, the TV is going over, your being errased from my mind and your gone :)

The Butterfly Effect. (Distraction Techniques)

1. When you feel like you want to SH, Take a pen and draw a butterfly on your arm or wrist (Wherever you SH)
2. Name the Butterfly after someone you love, or someone who wants you to get better.
3. You MUST Let the Butterfly fade Naturally, NO scrubbing off.
4. If you SH the Butterfly will be gone.
5. Someone else can Draw butterflys on you.
6. Even if you don;t SH but want to show your support, Draw a butterfly on your wrist and name is after someone you want to get better.

-Lily Hepburn

Sunday, 18 September 2011

One of my most upsetting dreams.

Two nights ago I had one of the most upsetting dreams I've had in a long, long time.
I had, had a baby. Little girl called Molly, I'd brought her home and had hold of her. I held her head with my left hand and rested my right hand against her back.
I pulled her away to look at her, and she didn't breath. I became hysterical and tried to force her to breath and pressed into her body to make her breath.
But I couldn't do anything.
-Lily Hepburn


A man cried because he had no shoes, he stopped crying when he seen another man with no legs.

-Lily Hepburn

Downton Abbey

Only 6 hours and 11 minutes to go until series 2 of Downton Abbey is aired.

Ive been so excited since the last season finished, I spent the entire night, last night watching the box set to gear myself up! I'm going to be all dolled up in nice PJ's to watch it!

My Ideal scenario's for this season would be ;

-For Mary and cousin Matthew to marry.
-For Sybil to have some sort of love affair with Branson.
-For William to be promoted to head footman!

Anyway I'm off to prepare for tonight, I'll be blogging almost immedatly after it has screened.

Love to all.
-Lily Hepburn

Saturday, 17 September 2011

This was originally posted on Thursday, but Blogger is a tool.
Yesterday I was fine...
Last night I cried for an hour. Possibly, maybe perhaps it was a build up, like putting your hand under the tap and pushing it down so hard that nothing comes out, then when you let go, it bursts out. But once the water is released, the water becomes more calm.
Me and this tap have things in common... Yes I have just compared myself to a tap, I have hit new lows.
I think I've had my last good cry over you. I deserve a lot more than staying away and sobbing my heart out over someone who said they'd look after me and didn't.
Never do anything to make someone love you, other than yourself. Never wait around for someone, until they feel like they want you, always fall inlove with someone who'll do anything to get close to you.
-Lily Hepburn

My Blogger Is a knob

I won't be posting whilst it's behaving this way. I have so many blogs that have failed to send and now refuse to be pasted back on to here.


Friday, 16 September 2011

Disney always makes me understand how, sometimes, the world can be a lovely place. How people can be so talented, music can be so beautiful, images can be so wonderful and people can feel so happy.
-Lily Hepburn