In the past 4 years,

I have dealt with break ups,
depression,
ED,
A,
B,
SH,
A miscarriage,
A breakdown,
A Suicide attempt.
Apersonality Melt down.


but god, I can't handle this aswell.

When I first began. I thought, I had control.

But this thing is not controling me.

Everything I do is dictated by this disease.

This thing controls me.

My life has gone out of my hands.

There is nothing this thing, doesn't control.

I'm quite terrified.

But I need it.

I need it to survive.

I know I hurt you. and I'm sorry, I wish I was stronger. I love you with all my heart.

I want to make a difference.

I want to make a difference to people.

To show people that they can acheive things even after being through a dark endless tunnel.

To Let people know, that being yourself is Okay.

Infact, being yourself and not caring about what other's think, is the greatest thing you can do in life.

I Wish to make people believe in themselves.

But I can't make themselves believe in themselves, if I can't believe in myself.

A New Haircut, and a good bath and pampering day is always something that can improve a mood!

College again tommorow.

Looking forward to afterwards when I can buy this dress AGAIN.

Such a shame I had to take it back today.

I love it, just hoping my green one doesn't play the same shitty trick!

The truth.

Bold those that apply to you.

I am a male.
I am a girl.
I am shorter than 5’4.
I think I’m ugly sometimes.
I have many scars.
I tan easily.
I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
I have a tattoo.
I am self-conscious about my appearance.
I have/I’ve had braces.
I wear glasses.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger.
I have more than 2 piercings.
I have piercing in places besides my ears.
I have freckles.
I’ve sworn at my parents.
I’ve run away from home.
I’ve been kicked out of the house.
I have a sibling less than one year old.

I want to have kids someday.



I’ve lost a child.
I’m in school.
I have a job.
I’ve fallen asleep at work/school.
I almost always do/did my homework.
I’ve missed a week or more of school.
I failed more than 1 class last year.
I’ve stolen something from my job.
I’ve slipped out a “lol” in a spoken conversation.
Disney movies still make me cry.
I’ve peed from laughing.
I’ve snorted while laughing.
I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried.
I’ve glued my hand to something.
I’ve had my pants rip in public.
I was born with a disease/impairment/disability.
I’ve gotten stitches/staples.
I’ve broken a bone.
I’ve had my tonsils removed.
I’ve sat in a doctor’s office/emergency room with a friend.
I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed.
I had a serious surgery.
I’ve had chicken pox.
I’ve had measles.
I’ve driven over 200 miles in one day.
I’ve been on a plane.
I’ve been to Canada.
I’ve been to Mexico.
I’ve been to Niagara Falls.
I’ve been to Japan.
I’ve celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
I’ve been to Europe.
I’ve been to Africa.
I’ve gotten lost in my city.
I’ve seen a shooting star.
I’ve wished on a shooting star.
I’ve seen a meteor shower.
I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas.
I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
I’ve kicked a guy where it hurts.
I’ve been to a casino.
I’ve been skydiving.
I’ve gone skinny dipping.
I’ve played spin the bottle.
I’ve drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour
I’ve crashed a car.
I’ve been skiing.
I’ve been in a play.
I’ve caught a snowflake on my tongue.
I’ve seen the Northern lights.
I’ve sat on a roof top at night.
I’ve played chicken.
I’ve played a prank on someone.
I’ve ridden in a taxi.
I’ve seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
I’ve eaten sushi.
I’ve been snowboarding.
I’m single.
I’m in a relationship.
I’m engaged.
I’m married.
I’ve gone on a blind date.
I’ve been the dumped more than the dump
I miss someone right now.
I’ve gotten divorced.
I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back.
I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.
I’ve had a crush on a teacher.
I am a cuddler.
I’ve been kissed in the rain.
I’ve hugged a stranger.
I have kissed a stranger.
I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.
I’ve sneaked out of my house.
I have lied to my parents about where I am.
I’ve cheated while playing a game.
I’ve cheated on a test.
I’ve run a red light.
I’ve been suspended from school.
I’ve witnessed a crime.
I’ve been in a fist fight.
I’ve been arrested.
I regularly drink.
I’ve passed out from drinking.
I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.
I’ve taken pain killers when I didn’t need them.
I’ve inhaled Nitrous.
I’ve done hard drugs.
I have cough drops when I’m not sick.
I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem.
I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
I have been diagnosed with one or more anxiety disorder.
I shut others out when I’m depressed.
I’ve taken anti-depressants.
I have been anorexic or bulimic.
I’ve slept an entire day when I didn’t need it.
I’ve hurt myself on purpose.
I’ve woken up crying.
I’m afraid of dying.
I hate funerals.
I’ve seen someone die.
Someone close to me has committed suicide.
I’ve planned my own suicide.
I’ve attempted suicide.
I’ve written a eulogy for myself.
I own over 5 rap CDs.
I own an iPod or MP3 player.
I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga
I own multiple designer purses.
I own something from Hot Topic.
I own something from Pac Sun.
I collect comic books.
I own something from Gap.
I’ve been close to being homeless.
I’ve had someone close to me almost die.
I’ve been in more then one Near Death Experience
I have been accused of something that I never did.

I may be infatuated by others, but your the only person in the universe to hold my heart so close to yours.

Your the only person in the world to be able to play with my heart.

And your the only person who'll ever have the ability to bend and break my heart.

-Lily Hepburn.

It has been so long, but yet the mention of your name, actualy sickens me, and makes me need to vomit. Shame there were two of you with the same fucking name.

I used to like that name aswell.

Horrible fucker.

You think it's fun turning all my friends against me?

Drop fucking dead.

Disgusting

Nasty

FUCKNUT.

I wish I could blog. Shame about this spazzing out all the time! making me feel like I can't get thoughts down.

Had such an amazing day yesterday with 2 of my best friends.

Being with them always makes me feel like I have a purpose. Like there is something worth getting up for.

I thank you so much!

I pray to have the strength to handle everyday, to gain more strengths and become stronger with everyday battles. I will be strong enough to live and to love everyday of my life.

I pray for the strength to get through everyday of my life.

Today

I am quite happy.

My blogger is a Tool.

Anyone else agree?

Is your blogger also a tool?

Today I walked past the place you first picked me up.
The place I thought we would begin our 'friendship'.
All those horrible memories came flooding back.
The dirty, disgusting feelings.

Thank you.

Thank you for getting me at my weakest, dropping me and smashing me into tiny pieces.
Without you smashing me, She wouldn't have been able to glue me back together.
Glue, with glue so strong nothing can remain unfixed.

Thank you for making me a much stronger person, and realising how much of a horrible coward you are.

I wish you a VERY happy Existance.

No.
Please.
No.
Pills, Do NOT do this to me again.
I can't cope.
Please I don't want to lose control.
Please stop this.
Please help me.

Well done.

You did it again.

Let someone take over your life.

Stupid. Stupid girl.

Today, I was told it is the most selfish thing anyone can do.
It doesn't feel it.
Is it selfish to give everyone what they want?

Worthless.
Ugly.
Fat.
Grotesque.
insignificant.
Selfish.
Self centred.
Stupid.
Pathetic.
Worthless.
Worthless.
Worthless.
Worthless.
Worthless.
Worthless.

Define: Worthless?

Not Worth Air

Paraxotine.
Councilling.
Blood Tests.
What the hell for?