I've trapped myself in my own little world, I'm completly issolated even though people are all around me, and the only way to make me feel better is to decorate my 'little world' with material objects'.
It's terrifying how someone can meet you for an hour and tell you more about yourself, than you've been able to figure out for the past 5 years.
I always though discussing these thought's would cure everything. If anything I feel even more alone and isolated than I ever had before.
Feeling so ugly, horrible and inadequate for even my best friend.
Every perfect little thing I had in my life has been ripped from my finger tips over the last 5 years, I've been unable to control anything in my life, and even though my life has spiralled out of control, I've lost complete grip during the past 6 weeks.
I feel so alone.
So alone that the only kind of comfort I get is to buy myself pretty things, make myself look pretty and make people see the outside me rather than what's inside.
My Insides are distrubing, an my outside is disgusting.
Plain, Fat, Ugly.
Not even worth the tiniest look. My humour can't even make up for that anymore, Everyone just finds me pretty annoying.
The only kind of comfort I can get out of anything is to ***** & *****.
I feel disgusting yet so clean.
But 'Your fat, you don't deserve help', keeps creeping into my head,
Even if I was disgustingly thin I still wouldn't deserve help. I don't deserve anything at all.
I don't even deserve to live.
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