Friday 29 April 2011

I feel so incredibly low right now. Below beyond belief and so incredibly isolated in such a disgusting body.
I hate myself got being like this. I hate admiting to people I hate myself for how I look. Because I am not superficial. Everyone is so beautiful except for me.
when I was at school I got called fat and ugly randomly by people who didn't even know me. I must be pretty damn ugly for people to go out of there way to say it and notice it.
Even my brother says it now.
I was told that I had something. A disorder that makes pretty people look into a mirror and see an ugly monster.
but I am an ugly person who see's I am ugly. Therefor I am not a sufferer.
Even someone I had met once told me I was ugly.
I remember when I was 4 sitting in the playground and school and looking at myself and thinking 'you are ugly'.
I have never been able to shake that feeling off.  
All I ever wanted from when I was little to be married with kids.
no one will ever want someone as revolting as me.
I couldn't live if my children ever looked at themselves and seen me everyday.
I do not want to be here.
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1 comment:

  1. Little Boy Lost29 April 2011 at 17:31

    I wish my arms could reach for miles, and draw you in a warm embrace/
    Hands held soft to dry your tears, and lead you from this painful place/
    Clasp your hand, as step by step we walk with my strength and your grace/
    Lean in near and whisper in the ear upon your porcelain face/

    I wish you saw your light as much as you as You can often see your shade/
    And knew you don't need to be alone, whenever you're troubled, low or afraid/
    I told you once I was always around, no matter the hour, still ready to hear/
    My arms may not reach miles, but it would bring smiles to know I'm only a message away, I'm still near/

    And as for these thoughts of self doubt within beauty, this manifest in you that begs you to despise/
    I hope you can meet it and one day defeat it: I wish you could see yourself using my eyes/
    Where I see the sweetest little tinkerbell pixie, you look at mirrors and only think freak/
    Where you see a face thats cast in imperfection, I purely see one so wonderfully unique/

    So flash me that smile, we'll walk many a mile as we march through these problems that walk where you stand/
    Stronger than metal, my sweet Lily petal: I'll take your burden if you take my hand/ :)

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