Moorfields Station :P
Friday 30 April 2010
Sunday 25 April 2010
I forgive you
I forgive you for fucking me over, If I choose not to forgive you It will only leave me bitter, and I don't want to be a bitter person.
Saturday 24 April 2010
Just over 24 hours
She's away and I'm already losing my mind!
Always knew how important beth was to me, and thats why i HATE her going away!
I'm not just being a tit, She didn;t wanna go aswell.. so Im being nice by agreeing with her :D
but she'll be back tommorow evening and I can see her on monday :)!
so I've been basically trying to keep myself busy busy busy like a bee the whole time she';s been gone.
Havn't got a fuckign clue how I lasted 3 whole weeks a couple of years ago!
And Yes, I am clingy, but I don;t care, at least I have soemone who like's being the other side of the velcro I can cling on to :D.
bon soir! [sp????]
Always knew how important beth was to me, and thats why i HATE her going away!
I'm not just being a tit, She didn;t wanna go aswell.. so Im being nice by agreeing with her :D
but she'll be back tommorow evening and I can see her on monday :)!
so I've been basically trying to keep myself busy busy busy like a bee the whole time she';s been gone.
Havn't got a fuckign clue how I lasted 3 whole weeks a couple of years ago!
And Yes, I am clingy, but I don;t care, at least I have soemone who like's being the other side of the velcro I can cling on to :D.
bon soir! [sp????]
Thursday 22 April 2010
:D
Ok guys, Warning, I WILL be having the most vile hair over the next few months, because I'm grow my dyes out! JUST SAYIN'!
Wednesday 21 April 2010
Happy 20th Birthday KCC
Have a wonderful day... as I have... with my day off :D!
I'm not too sure if any of the other clases are off or whether it is just my class.
I would like to go to town but I'm waiting to hear if someone is coming home early or what.
Guess I'll just have to wait and shop around another day!
Peace Out Liiiirds :D
I'm not too sure if any of the other clases are off or whether it is just my class.
I would like to go to town but I'm waiting to hear if someone is coming home early or what.
Guess I'll just have to wait and shop around another day!
Peace Out Liiiirds :D
Monday 19 April 2010
How do I love thee?
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.I love thee to the depth and breadth and heightMy soul can reach, when feeling out of sightFor the ends of Being and ideal Grace.I love thee to the level of everyday'sMost quiet need, by sun and candle-light.I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.I love thee with a passion put to useIn my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.I love thee with a love I seemed to loseWith my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath,Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose,I shall but love thee better after death.
Fantastic weekend
you thought you'd spoiled it but you hadn;t!
had a lovely friday evening with my other half and then went to a concert on the saturday with deadf school, suggs, ian broady and keviin rowlands.
Was pretty amazing!
Wish it hadn;t ended.
what a tribute to the wonderful Eric shark!
Oh well, off to life back in college for another week, then beth goes away and im left all alone!
Fuuuming!
had a lovely friday evening with my other half and then went to a concert on the saturday with deadf school, suggs, ian broady and keviin rowlands.
Was pretty amazing!
Wish it hadn;t ended.
what a tribute to the wonderful Eric shark!
Oh well, off to life back in college for another week, then beth goes away and im left all alone!
Fuuuming!
Sunday 18 April 2010
My story, I havn't thought of a title yet!
I'm very sorry it's not good. I just scraped a GCSE at english and Im terrible at storys, But I attempted it :)
I hate this. Every morning. Every night. The same routine. I hate my life. But I love him. Befor you pass judgement, he doesn't make me do anything, I CHOOSE to do it. Infact... He doesn't even know what I do. all I know is it's completly worth it. I hate doing it, but it's the only thing I can do.
I sit infront of my bedroom mirror. The bedroom is tiny, but it's all we can afford. It's not what I wished for as a child, but aslong as I had my boyfriend I didn't care. I look into the silver glass and run my hand through my long dark hair. I don't even have the energy anymore to do anything with it, so I oull it up into a high pony .. I look so young. I'm almost nineteen but I could easily be mistaken for a sixteen year old school girl, which is innapropriate in this profession, but maybe that's what some of the clients go for.
I slip my supermarker uniform off, and pull a short black dress over my head. It's hanging off me as I have lost so much weight recently, but I've got more important things to worry about than how much I weigh.
I fix my eyeliner around my eyes, and smugde it, men still fall for the panda look. I stand up and hear him move in the bed. he rolls over. His dark sunken eyes stare into mine. He smiles. A smile that would look half hearted to a stranger, but I know that he means it. I smile back at him.
"Where are you going baby?" He always asks the same question every time I go out. "Out to work again?". I nod my head towards him. He lifts his arms up, asking silently for a hug. I hate this, I want to hug him, I really do, but I know I won;t be able to let go. He'll kiss me, and I won;t be able to say no. I'll kiss him and we won't be able to stop. I love him more than anything. So I crawl into the bed next to him, and wrap my arms around him, and lay on the bed with him.
"Your going to make yourself ill one of these days" His lips press against my shoulder, I spin around connecting my eyes with his and let my figners play with this thinnened hair. He closes his eyes and kisses the inside of my wrist "You work to hard".
"I don't mind working, and anyway" I kiss his cheek "someone has to pay the bills"
"Lily I am so sorry" He plays with my hair and rests his fingers on my cheek "I promised I'd look after you, your the one looking after me"
"Ever thought Myabe I LOVE looking after you?" I stand up from the bed "Im going to have to go"
"I love you, Lil" He pauses "More than anything" My eyes begin to burn and my nose stings, Oh god, how much I want to cry right now. I love him. I want to drop everything. I want to just crawl into bed with him. Look after hin. I hate seeing him in pain. Evey minute he's in pain. This is why I do what I do.
It's the worst feeling in the world. The person you love more than anything, suffering from a painful disease, and the only way you can help them is by being unfaithful and dishonest.
"I Love you" I say, befor pulling my jacket over me and closing the front door. I walk down the steps, along the road for about ten minutes, wondering if I would even make any money tonight. I think of how I would rather be home, in the arms of my boyfriend. The only thought that kept me sane, that perhaps oneday. I wouldn't have to lie anymore. I wouldn't have to sleep with random horrible, dirty old men for money to keep him well. That one day he would be ok. We would be together. In a big house. Nice clothes, nice TV, just security. Just happiness. I oull myself together and stop thinking of these thoughts when a car pulls up beside me. I open the passenger door.
I get back home feeling dirty, disgusting. the same as every night, I almost trip pver him on the floor, he's scrunched up. I throw my bag across the room and run over to him, bending down to reach him.
"Baby?! Baby?! Baby?! what's wrong?" I pull him over onto his back and lift him up. I run over to the kitchen cupboard and get his medication out. I pass it to him and guid the glass of water into his mouth. I thhen pick him up and lay him on the bed.
"Are you feeling okay Now?!" I pull the blanket over him.
"I am now your here" He moves so his head is resting on my chest like a child would rest on his mother, tears run slowly down his face "I hate not being able to do anything for myself lily."
"Hey" I wipe the tears from out fo his face "You'll be better soon, and you can, you will be able to be normal again really room, I promise"
"And what when we can't afford the medication anymore? What's going to happen?" He begins to sob looking up at me.
"I promise you, We can, thats why Im working two jobs so we CAN afford the medication baby" I wipe his tears away again "I promise you, you are going to be fine, Please just rest"
We lay there together for a while. Just listening to the traffic outside, then he spoke to me. "If I get-" I cut him off.
"WHEN you get better" I Kiss his forhead
"Will you marry me? when we can afford it?" I pull away and look at him "Please"
"your being serious? You want me to marry you?"I ask, finding it hard to belive He pushes his lips against mine.
"It's all I want. I want you to be mine and I want to be yours forever Lily, I want to live with you, I want to have kids with you, I want a life with you."
"That's All I want" I nod my head "Of course I will" He embraces me tightly.
"I love you" I whisper, He smiles at me.
"I love you". We fall asleep together in one anothers arms.
The next morning.
This morning.
It's over.
My Life.
It's all over.
I woke next time him. The Man I would do anything for. Everything I had dreamt of. The dreams we had. Nothing. Empty. Crying. Sobbing, shaking. Shaking him. Trying to wake him, His cold face, his cold lips.
He was gone.
He was dead.
I hate this. Every morning. Every night. The same routine. I hate my life. But I love him. Befor you pass judgement, he doesn't make me do anything, I CHOOSE to do it. Infact... He doesn't even know what I do. all I know is it's completly worth it. I hate doing it, but it's the only thing I can do.
I sit infront of my bedroom mirror. The bedroom is tiny, but it's all we can afford. It's not what I wished for as a child, but aslong as I had my boyfriend I didn't care. I look into the silver glass and run my hand through my long dark hair. I don't even have the energy anymore to do anything with it, so I oull it up into a high pony .. I look so young. I'm almost nineteen but I could easily be mistaken for a sixteen year old school girl, which is innapropriate in this profession, but maybe that's what some of the clients go for.
I slip my supermarker uniform off, and pull a short black dress over my head. It's hanging off me as I have lost so much weight recently, but I've got more important things to worry about than how much I weigh.
I fix my eyeliner around my eyes, and smugde it, men still fall for the panda look. I stand up and hear him move in the bed. he rolls over. His dark sunken eyes stare into mine. He smiles. A smile that would look half hearted to a stranger, but I know that he means it. I smile back at him.
"Where are you going baby?" He always asks the same question every time I go out. "Out to work again?". I nod my head towards him. He lifts his arms up, asking silently for a hug. I hate this, I want to hug him, I really do, but I know I won;t be able to let go. He'll kiss me, and I won;t be able to say no. I'll kiss him and we won't be able to stop. I love him more than anything. So I crawl into the bed next to him, and wrap my arms around him, and lay on the bed with him.
"Your going to make yourself ill one of these days" His lips press against my shoulder, I spin around connecting my eyes with his and let my figners play with this thinnened hair. He closes his eyes and kisses the inside of my wrist "You work to hard".
"I don't mind working, and anyway" I kiss his cheek "someone has to pay the bills"
"Lily I am so sorry" He plays with my hair and rests his fingers on my cheek "I promised I'd look after you, your the one looking after me"
"Ever thought Myabe I LOVE looking after you?" I stand up from the bed "Im going to have to go"
"I love you, Lil" He pauses "More than anything" My eyes begin to burn and my nose stings, Oh god, how much I want to cry right now. I love him. I want to drop everything. I want to just crawl into bed with him. Look after hin. I hate seeing him in pain. Evey minute he's in pain. This is why I do what I do.
It's the worst feeling in the world. The person you love more than anything, suffering from a painful disease, and the only way you can help them is by being unfaithful and dishonest.
"I Love you" I say, befor pulling my jacket over me and closing the front door. I walk down the steps, along the road for about ten minutes, wondering if I would even make any money tonight. I think of how I would rather be home, in the arms of my boyfriend. The only thought that kept me sane, that perhaps oneday. I wouldn't have to lie anymore. I wouldn't have to sleep with random horrible, dirty old men for money to keep him well. That one day he would be ok. We would be together. In a big house. Nice clothes, nice TV, just security. Just happiness. I oull myself together and stop thinking of these thoughts when a car pulls up beside me. I open the passenger door.
I get back home feeling dirty, disgusting. the same as every night, I almost trip pver him on the floor, he's scrunched up. I throw my bag across the room and run over to him, bending down to reach him.
"Baby?! Baby?! Baby?! what's wrong?" I pull him over onto his back and lift him up. I run over to the kitchen cupboard and get his medication out. I pass it to him and guid the glass of water into his mouth. I thhen pick him up and lay him on the bed.
"Are you feeling okay Now?!" I pull the blanket over him.
"I am now your here" He moves so his head is resting on my chest like a child would rest on his mother, tears run slowly down his face "I hate not being able to do anything for myself lily."
"Hey" I wipe the tears from out fo his face "You'll be better soon, and you can, you will be able to be normal again really room, I promise"
"And what when we can't afford the medication anymore? What's going to happen?" He begins to sob looking up at me.
"I promise you, We can, thats why Im working two jobs so we CAN afford the medication baby" I wipe his tears away again "I promise you, you are going to be fine, Please just rest"
We lay there together for a while. Just listening to the traffic outside, then he spoke to me. "If I get-" I cut him off.
"WHEN you get better" I Kiss his forhead
"Will you marry me? when we can afford it?" I pull away and look at him "Please"
"your being serious? You want me to marry you?"I ask, finding it hard to belive He pushes his lips against mine.
"It's all I want. I want you to be mine and I want to be yours forever Lily, I want to live with you, I want to have kids with you, I want a life with you."
"That's All I want" I nod my head "Of course I will" He embraces me tightly.
"I love you" I whisper, He smiles at me.
"I love you". We fall asleep together in one anothers arms.
The next morning.
This morning.
It's over.
My Life.
It's all over.
I woke next time him. The Man I would do anything for. Everything I had dreamt of. The dreams we had. Nothing. Empty. Crying. Sobbing, shaking. Shaking him. Trying to wake him, His cold face, his cold lips.
He was gone.
He was dead.
I AM
Actualy begining to feel rather annoyed.
When certain people will say that everyone is entitles to an opinion.
Yes they are, but for them still to be able to talk to you they must express the same opinion as you.
I do apoligise.
But I would rather be stuck with one friend who respects what I think, than have to be forced to change my opinion on everything to stay friends with a few extra people.
When certain people will say that everyone is entitles to an opinion.
Yes they are, but for them still to be able to talk to you they must express the same opinion as you.
I do apoligise.
But I would rather be stuck with one friend who respects what I think, than have to be forced to change my opinion on everything to stay friends with a few extra people.
Thursday 15 April 2010
Nothing more shocking than...
someone your own age, and soemone you used to see alot dying.
R.i.p Jaymes, you will be so very missed!
R.i.p Jaymes, you will be so very missed!
Friday 9 April 2010
:(
I havn't felt this sad In so long.
I don;t know Why Im this sad.
It might be because Im going back to college, but i love my course.
So I don;t knwo what It is.
I miss beth and she;s only in hers.
I feel so sad.
I honestly just can't seem to explain why
I don;t know Why Im this sad.
It might be because Im going back to college, but i love my course.
So I don;t knwo what It is.
I miss beth and she;s only in hers.
I feel so sad.
I honestly just can't seem to explain why
Thursday 8 April 2010
What is it that you most desire out of life?
As cheesy as it sounds, happiness, security and love :)
Tuesday 6 April 2010
Is it true that you are shaving all your hair off to make a coat?
No, it might look it becase my hair is falling out atm, but no it's not true.
Volvic Challenge
I May do!
1.5 litres of volvic Or water that I can cheaply afford everyday, for 2 weeks. no harm in trying! Alot of peeing!
1.5 litres of volvic Or water that I can cheaply afford everyday, for 2 weeks. no harm in trying! Alot of peeing!
Monday 5 April 2010
what would you do if you only had a day left to live?
Spend it with the People I love and the person I love.
would you like to stay in liverpool or would you want to move away?
I absolutly adore where I live. I know so many people who say 'I hate liverpool, I can;t wait to move' I think I am one of the very few people who, If I didn't move out of liverpool, I would be extremly happy :)
Sunday 4 April 2010
I
am now official sick to death of helping people. Getting myself upset over other people just to be told horrible stuff about myself. Please if you dislike me so, tell me to my face.
Respect
To earn respect, you must first respect others. Don't demand respect if you have none for the people around you
Happy Easter!
Happy easter everyone.
already annoyed at someone being fucking lazy.
but anyway, I hope you all have a lovely day with your eggs :D
already annoyed at someone being fucking lazy.
but anyway, I hope you all have a lovely day with your eggs :D
Saturday 3 April 2010
Would you rather be with a writer or someone with a 9 - 5 job?
i'd rather be with a writer... more of an imagination :P
Would you rather be with a writer or someone with a 9 - 5 job?
9-5 job. I hate writing. Hairdressing is usualy 9-5 and that will keep me happy for many many years :D
Is sex better before or after 4am?
it's emant to be brillaint AT 4am but I've never stayed up that long to have it at that time i think haha!!
Do you prefer Funny or Serious People?
They both have there uses, soemtimes if semone is 24/7 funny its incredibly annoying, and people whoa re 24/7 serious, you just want to punch, a nice 50/50 is just fine :) especialy sarcastic people haha! there's amazing :D
Romantic film or tastful comedy?
romantic film :) but with a BIT of comedy in.. not too much though... thuigns TRYING to be overly funny is just annoying ¬¬
What quality do you find most appealing / disgusting in people?
People robbing my food :@
Mopst disgusting is probabaly ignorance. I can understand peoople being nasty because thats the person they are, but i just HATE ignornace.
andf there isn;t a aprticular quality i findf appealing really, just kindness and careing about others, theres ALOT
Last night
Had a pretty good night last night. Shame for my unwellness!
One more day until Easter Sunday :D
Eggies sorted!
Not as much fighting
Nice music.
Hair ALMOST done.
Clothes Ready!
SORTED!
going to Mass later! looking forward to it x]!
One more day until Easter Sunday :D
Eggies sorted!
Not as much fighting
Nice music.
Hair ALMOST done.
Clothes Ready!
SORTED!
going to Mass later! looking forward to it x]!
Friday 2 April 2010
A morbid thought just crossed my mind
Everytime we hear a clock tick were one second closer to death.
Possibly the worst song to have in your head when trying to sleep!
O DEATH, rock me asleep,
Bring me to quiet rest,
Let pass my weary guiltless ghost
Out of my careful breast.
Toll on, thou passing bell;
Ring out my doleful knell;
Let thy sound my death tell.
Death doth draw nigh;
There is no remedy.
My pains who can express?
Alas, they are so strong;
My dolour will not suffer strength
My life for to prolong.
Toll on, thou passing bell;
Ring out my doleful knell;
Let thy sound my death tell.
Death doth draw nigh;
There is no remedy.
Alone in prison strong
I wait my destiny.
Woe worth this cruel hap that I
Should taste this misery!
Toll on, thou passing bell;
Ring out my doleful knell;
Let thy sound my death tell.
Death doth draw nigh;
There is no remedy.
Farewell, my pleasures past,
Welcome, my present pain!
I feel my torments so increase
That life cannot remain.
Cease now, thou passing bell;
Rung is my doleful knell;
For the sound my death doth tell.
Death doth draw nigh;
There is no remedy.
Bring me to quiet rest,
Let pass my weary guiltless ghost
Out of my careful breast.
Toll on, thou passing bell;
Ring out my doleful knell;
Let thy sound my death tell.
Death doth draw nigh;
There is no remedy.
My pains who can express?
Alas, they are so strong;
My dolour will not suffer strength
My life for to prolong.
Toll on, thou passing bell;
Ring out my doleful knell;
Let thy sound my death tell.
Death doth draw nigh;
There is no remedy.
Alone in prison strong
I wait my destiny.
Woe worth this cruel hap that I
Should taste this misery!
Toll on, thou passing bell;
Ring out my doleful knell;
Let thy sound my death tell.
Death doth draw nigh;
There is no remedy.
Farewell, my pleasures past,
Welcome, my present pain!
I feel my torments so increase
That life cannot remain.
Cease now, thou passing bell;
Rung is my doleful knell;
For the sound my death doth tell.
Death doth draw nigh;
There is no remedy.
Happy Good Friday guys!
Ok perhaps I shouldn't be saying 'Happy' but I couldn;t think of a better word! well the weather outside is pretty dull TBH, which is a crappy start to the easter holidays. I'm going out with Bethany later to finnish off buying my easter presents for friends and family.
Woke up with the worst skin immaginable, plus I didnt sleep very well AT ALL last night. Hope things get back to normal soon,
Woke up with the worst skin immaginable, plus I didnt sleep very well AT ALL last night. Hope things get back to normal soon,
Thursday 1 April 2010
4Music
I was watching Morrissey on 4music last night and when looking in the audience I seen a guy i was speaking to at the echo arena bottle concert :')
Lmao
Goodtimes!
Lmao
Goodtimes!
What Is Love
was asked by a friend what love was, and after a while of thinking i realised i couldn;t put it into words exactly what it was.
the closest way i could describe it:
Love is the greatest feeling you can feel. Warmth, comfort, happiness, excitment and hope all at oncem when the person you love loves you back. It;s one of the greatest feelings in the world that anyone can have.
However if that person doesn't love you in return it can be the most painful experience of your life. Sadness, Sickness, Dispair and hopelessness. It's one of the worst feelings you will ever know, words can't describe the pain until you have been through it.
No one ever get's over a lover. They will always rememeber them everyday until they die. However it is our own choice as to how we act to it. How we choose to live with it. Do we live everyday crying over that person who never loved us back? Or do we live life and meet more people who are going to break are heart? How do we know that instead of 'marrying the one' we lose them in the first stages of our lives and never get them back again.
How do we know when we've lost are chance? And how do we know when we have more chances left..?
We All suffer when love goes wrong, but how do we learn to live through the pain? Is there some kind of strength we gain even though we feel completly hopeless.
The only person who we need to gain returned love from is ourselves. We will never be loved if we can't love ourselves.
Live for yourself
Not For the Love of another.
It's not our choice to feel pain.
It's our choice if we wish to suffer from it.
the closest way i could describe it:
Love is the greatest feeling you can feel. Warmth, comfort, happiness, excitment and hope all at oncem when the person you love loves you back. It;s one of the greatest feelings in the world that anyone can have.
However if that person doesn't love you in return it can be the most painful experience of your life. Sadness, Sickness, Dispair and hopelessness. It's one of the worst feelings you will ever know, words can't describe the pain until you have been through it.
No one ever get's over a lover. They will always rememeber them everyday until they die. However it is our own choice as to how we act to it. How we choose to live with it. Do we live everyday crying over that person who never loved us back? Or do we live life and meet more people who are going to break are heart? How do we know that instead of 'marrying the one' we lose them in the first stages of our lives and never get them back again.
How do we know when we've lost are chance? And how do we know when we have more chances left..?
We All suffer when love goes wrong, but how do we learn to live through the pain? Is there some kind of strength we gain even though we feel completly hopeless.
The only person who we need to gain returned love from is ourselves. We will never be loved if we can't love ourselves.
Live for yourself
Not For the Love of another.
It's not our choice to feel pain.
It's our choice if we wish to suffer from it.
Maundy Thursday!
Because I thought it would be disrespectful to put 'Happy Maundy thursday'.
I hope everyones day has treated them well.
I'm currently coping with a banging headache that I think I still have from yesterday after eating FOUR cakes in one day!
Im freezing and sitting in bed watching Juno.
Nice relaxing day HOPEFULLY.
xx
I hope everyones day has treated them well.
I'm currently coping with a banging headache that I think I still have from yesterday after eating FOUR cakes in one day!
Im freezing and sitting in bed watching Juno.
Nice relaxing day HOPEFULLY.
xx
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