My life is going no where.
I'm stuck.
There is nothing here anymore.
Since when did I get to this point?
since when did the little path of happiness become invisible and they i find myself miles from where I wanted to be,And I don't know how I got there.
Why are things so meaningless and mundane.
All I want is someone to care and things to go right.
I have no friends, I fell out with them.
My family prefare my much more talented Brother.As they've said I have acheived nothing. What is the point anymore?I fail to see it.
Frankly, I am terrified.

People tell me I look well.

That means I'm doing good.

I'm a good person.

You always fucking mention him,

Never me.

You don't give a fucking shit.

I'm last to them.

Last do you,

And I don't even come into question, with most of you.

Sick.

Sick of my phone.

Sick of people.

Sick of my life.

I just want to move away and start again.

I can't do this much longer.

I know exactly what I want out of life, it's just getting there...

For years I have always stuck to the belief that if you keep quiet, keep sensible, no harm comes to you. Even though this is partially true, what is a life if you never live dangerously and try new things.

Yes you never get hurt because you never take a chance. But if you don;t take a chance, there is a good idea that you may never have the opportunity's again.

Live Life, do the most adventurous things, and if things go wrong, take the consequences, apologize, fix people back up and carry on looking forward, never look back on the past.

Looking back on the past makes you unable to see the future. Come on would you walk down a road and look behind you, and not to the front.

I am terrible for feeling awful amounts of depression. But what does it do? it can partially be controlled by medication, but that only cure's the symptom's, not the desease, and only you can cure yourself.

Look forward.
Love forever.
Live for always.

It's Christmas Eve, and I can't stop crying, why havn't things worked out the way they were meant to? My life is going no where.

If I wasn't here, it wouldn't really affect many people.

I don't affect anyone's life enough for it to effect them.

I'm a background charactter in my own life...

Nothing makes sense anymore.

This isn't fair.

Don't feel bad for me I want you to know Deep in the cell of my heart I really want to go

I would kill just to be able to go out and relax.

To sit in with my friends and family and just eat.

I could kill for tea with a biscuit like old days.

I need to do this.

this is why you got like this in the first place.

I need to change.

I need to be beautiful.

I am incredibly happy No one even reads my blogger... people may ask why I even type it them.

Idk why I do.

Idk why I do alot of things.

Even my idol hates me.

“As I get older, the adoration increases. I’m never without him. It’s almost biblical. It’s like carrying your rosary around with you.”

Arctic Weather.

Well I had a rather cold day.

Waited at the station at 9 o clock and didn't get the train until quarter to 10.

1.5 minutes after, I arrived at my station, and eventualy got into hospital.

coming back I waited half an hour for the train and got on, went to kirkby, turned back and went to liverpool.

Going into liverpool Central, We were stuck Underground so had to come BACK home.

My teeth ache.

My Jaw aches.

My hair is greasy and horrible.

I want to shop.

and I'm skint.

But I'm relativly happy.

It's hypocritical

Of me to cry. But please I'm terrified.

Well.

Aren't you a cunt.

It's amazing, how you've only been arsed about the people insulting you and making rumours up, but the people who have defended and stood up for you since you fucked things over, what we mean fuck all and your far to 'busy' to be bothered with us?

You'd be know were without your fans.

The people adding you on Fb aren't real supporters, they are people looking for a little bit of celebrityism.

I admire Elliot for being so kind to his fans and giving them the time and respect they deserve.

Fuck you.

Idiot.

I'm sick of arguing.

Sick of arguing with my parents.

I know myself better than anyone.

I know myself better than all my friends.

I'm not ill.

Leave me alone.

Being in hospital, makes you ill.

I'm not in hospital.

Therefore I am fine.

Stop forcing me.

I've disgusted myself this this weekend.

I'm horrible.

Is that not good enough?

My Letter to David Cameron.

Hiyer Dave.

Just asking a big favour, Could you pleease issue the people of Britian buckets and spades?

It would help move the snow!

And vouchers for free wooly socks!

If you do this, I will send you and SamCam and the Babz A free Maccies (:
I am cold.

And If I die I blame you.

Lots of love,
Me (:

Happy 7th Birthday Holly

Weather’s ruining everything.

Little cousin had to get her party cancelled in ‘time out’ and no one could get to her house!

At least she was happy with her little ‘netbook’ and pink phone (:!

Happy 7th birthday Holly!

Never mind "Winter hates your face".

Winter hates my feet!

OUCH!

Wake up.

Breath.

Wash.

Breath.

Get dressed.

Breath.

Do hair.

Keep Breathing.

Apply Make up.

Breath some more.

See people.

Breath again.

Smile.

Try to Breath.

Go home.

Breath.

Go to bed.

Keep breathing.

Wake up again.

Breath again...

I wish I Was as strong as you.

So beautiful.
So strong.
Why can't I be as strong and as beautiful As you?
I'm weak.
Stupid, and weak.
disgusting.
Ugly.
Revolting.
Why are you even here?
I was asking myself that.
Not you.
I deserve this because I'm a horrible disgusting person.
Weekend of 'fun'.
Just my weekend of torturing myself.
Making out I'm fine, but I'm really not.
I love watching you leave just for a second so I can get rod of everything I've dissapointed myself with.
But it's too late.
It's already deep inside me and unable to escape.
God, please help me.

I look at you and can tell from a mile off you don't understand.

I can;t bring myself to tell you that some morning I just don't want to wake up.

Everything seems to get harder each day.

And everyday you seem more and more distant from me.

I just want one person to care and love me and understand.

you say you love me. You say you understand, but you haven't got a clue what's going on at all.

To be told 'I'll try and see you'

'I'll TRY and get there'

Now it's just turning to a

'I'll TRY to be their for you'

'I'll TRy but i don't want to'

This isn't fair anymore.

Why can't you see I'm clearly lying.

Your meant to be able to see this glass front I'm putting on.

Your meant to love me.

I'm Trying So hard

To be beautiful

Karma.

Sometimes, I feel Karma doesn't exist.
It's just something people tell others to make me them feel better, and In reality everyone can go around treating people like shit and destroying their lives without anything happening to them.

FML

Seriously.

What's the point in anything anymore?

Not long until christmas!

And Im not christmas shopping until NEXT weekend!

How am I going to manage!

Oh well!

hopefully my sore ankle will have fixed itself!

I hope so!

Sorry about my lack ofblogging, I will get around to you all again!

Love you!

Fuming.

People shouldn't be shoved into a catagory over what sex they like, what political party they support or what religion they believe in. Because your a lesbian does not mean you have to dress as a man. To support conservative does not mean you hate everyone using the NHS, and because your a muslim does not mean you want to bomb everyone. You should know better. Bitch.

Exactly. See you soon ;)

;D

Ask me anything, I WILL answer no matter what

Haha. Well I have no doubt you'll look great in it. Therefore there well be a second date =P

Marvelous :D

Ask me anything, I WILL answer no matter what

Well I was hoping that we'd end up liking each other and each other's company =P

Oh well, we'll see what the dress it like ;D haha

Ask me anything, I WILL answer no matter what

First date at yours, second date at mine. Deal? ;)

who said theres gonna be a second D;? haha!

Ask me anything, I WILL answer no matter what

Only if you wear it for me ;)

Oh I will ;D your coming to see me though, sod london and their prices ;)

Ask me anything, I WILL answer no matter what

So when do you wanna go for that date? =P

when I have me dress ;)

Ask me anything, I WILL answer no matter what

If I got down on one knee right now and asked you to marry me, would you lol again? ;) xx

No (:

Ask me anything, I WILL answer no matter what

What one thing are you exceptionally bad at?

Alot of things.

Ask me anything, I WILL answer no matter what

What music are you listening to today?

Listened to Alot of Morrissey Today...

Ask me anything, I WILL answer no matter what

No title Neccesery.

This isn't fair.

Why do you have time for someone you hardly know, yet you won't even listen to your own child.

I had to deal with everything alone because you didn;t belive in being sad.

Yet this person who has there own friends and family, you put all your attention on them and leave me to deal with this by myself.

This isn't fair.

It's just unkind.

Does our childhood really effect what we want out of life?

I always read in articles that what you want out of life and how you want your life to be depends entirely on your childhood. For example if you have a turbulent childhood you will desperatly want your childrens to be better and you will do your best.
I was brought it in a very average household, but average I mean comfortable 2:2 family life. however from a very early age I have always lived my life desperatly wanting a family and house and to be married.
This isn't because I have had a bad time.
So why do I desperatly want to relive what I already had?
I know my mid-late teens years where some of the worst of my life, but I think they have helped me realise what I want out of life.
lately I'm begining to realise I may never get what I wanted.
But TBF, I'm quite happy with what I have in my life TBH.

So THIS is why my eye is still hurting me...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VcwJi8hj6Ao

Friday night!

I have clothes for friday night, I ctualy feelmajoriy confident in them and can't wait.

No glases neccesery, even though I'll be blinde!

How cool was Example, really? ;)

Proper Boss Lad, proper boss :D

Ask me anything, I WILL answer no matter what

Your a bully who get's a sick thrill out of knocking people's confidence down. That's the reason why you have no friends. Not because your 'misunderstood' Because you're a bully, and once people hit 13 bully's have no control, they just think they do.

"If you ever want to find Poppy a new home let me know! Shame you couldn't make the final gig"

DM from Example to ME! :D!!

Well everything seems to be falling nicely + Video.

The last few days, have been rathr immense!

After my brilliant day Yesterday, I picked up my bag from peacocks, there weren;t any left, except one, so the people behind the counter saved it for me!

and because she overheard me losing my StudentID card she gave me my discount for free!

So I was pretty cheddered, then I spent the afternoon with my best friend!

In other news, here's the video of me and Example ;)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPjMN3J98y4

I look like a fat skank, but I don;t care, I'm happy (:!

How cool was Example really, lucky girl? ;)

I'm not lucky, winning the lottery is lucky, I worked for it XD! LMAO!

Ask me anything, I WILL answer no matter what

formspring.me

Ask me anything, I WILL answer no matter what http://formspring.me/LilyHepburn

wow... what a day...

Got up early after my anesthetic, ready to spend the day with my mum in the town centre, as I was on my way I got a phone call from Live and lost, asking for me to cut EXAMPLE'S hair.

so I waited for him, and He called me himself after he had punctured a tire, to ask if I could pick him up, I got him from Anfield to my house.

I cut his hair and made him a brew And some food (:

Then we say on youtube together.

Such an amazing day, and I can't belive it's all happened. It is so unreal.

"I slept with married couples for sex but I never cheated"

I love jezza, sorry I know he talks to his guest's like shite, but in my opinion you lose the right to any respect once you wash your dirtyy laundrey out on national TV!

Feeling alot better than yesterday, still a bit off and dizzy, but I’m gonna go out for a shop around, Just a small one, Get me out the house for a bit!

what does everyone think of this bag??

Might treat myself to it (:

-Lily

I can taste blod in mouth.

I had to turn down yet another 'dinner' with Example again today. I said to them I'd be ready by 5 but it would have been too late. It's a pretty good job too, didn;t get out of my bed until 4:45 and that was me walking around dizzily and pretending I was Ok to go home!
Still feeling dizzy now, my throat is sore, my eye is KILLING me and I;m having the worse Palpitations. I'd advicce you to get on my formspring, and ask any questions, as my honesty is well above board!
I really shouldn't be tasting blood in my mouth though, Thank you very much To the Beautiful Beth for coming to Visit me, I love her so much.
so yes, I am in pain.
Love your friendly cyclopse, Lily.

My new fear.

Today, I developed a fear of these things. Having one stare at you, is quite unerving, and having almost stepped on one, and it 'looking at you' is sinister....

Haloween

We spend our lives hearing "Don't take sweet's from strangers" Yet children are encouraged on Haloween to Knock and ask for them!

TBh it's pretty rude, just knocking and asking strangers for things!

Yes I am not a fan of Haloween...

Unhappy Birthday

I've come to wish you an unhappy birthday
'Cause you're evil
And you lie
And if you should die
I may feel slightly sad
But I won't cry

Example

Got a phone call from ‘Live and Lost’ today, asking me could I give Example a lift from North Wales To Liverpool.
my Eye surgery is tommorow.
I’m beyond gutted.
this isn’t fair :(

I did it again.

I let you down. as usual. as always. Why do you even love me? I'm just a constant let down to you.

Oxford & Cambridge or Soggy Biscuits? ;)

Oh My ;)

Ask me anything, I WILL answer no matter what

the things you Can do when a poster says 'STRICTLY no photography'.

Sneaking a picture when the show had finnished! guess where we are!!

i'm Scared.

I'm scared you won't think I'm beautiful anymore.

Going back there

That feelings, where you ccan tell something is about to happen?

When two people who don;t get on turn up to the same party and everyone waits?

That's how I feel now.

I know it's about to happen.

Please Please Please don;t let it get me.

I can't cope if it got me again.

I can't go back there.

Please please help me.

formspring.me

Ask me anything, I WILL answer no matter what http://formspring.me/LilyHepburn

Finaly!

I can log in!

I'm thinking of cutting down on blogging now, I seem so miserable because all I ever to is complain about everything!

thelilyhepburn.tumblr.com

and

twitter.com/lilyhepburn

The 4 year old me.

If my 4 year old self looked at me now, she'd shit and run. This is far from what i wanted my life to be when i got older.

The 4 year old me wanted to go to University and be a teacher.

The 4 year old me wanted to be perfecct and always nice to people.

the 4 year old me didn't expect half the shit that's happened to me, to happen.

The 19 year old me didn't get the grades she intended and couldn't ever be a teacher.

The 19 year old me has learned always being nice to people means letting people walk all over you.

And the 19 year old me is looking at myself now and wondering what the hell is happening.

Lily

McFly

Well tonight I went to watch a band from my 'teenie' years.

I felt about 14 again, and I was thinking how if i met them tonight, I'd be quite suprised at it.

But however years ago the thought of even being in the same room as them made me feel as if i was about to faint.

I wonder what makes people think so highly of people and as if there life in complete if they dont turn out to be like them, and what makes me realise 'they are just normal people who sing for a living'?

Lily

who do you see your sself marrying

Brent Wilson :P haha!

Ask me anything, I WILL answer no matter what

Happiness

Happiness isn't about getting what you want, it's about acccepting what your given, no one will ever love you if you can't love yourself.

untitled

People try so hard to be perfect, and we end up failing in being oursevles. always be yourself never someone else, People will love you for being yourself, but then again, they may never love you, but at least you can always stay true to yourself.

72 hours.

In less than 72 hours, I'll be 19, and I am quite terrified. I belive that being 19 is the REAL age you become an adult.

And all I can do is think about the fact, I am now an adult, and don't have a clue about life. I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life, I don't have the faintest idea or guidline. I find it so hard to meet people and get people to like me that I know I won't make friends or meet people that will change my life anymore.

My friends from school and people younger than me, have children, some are even married, or at least have jobs and are going to university.

I'm stuck and can't find my way out of it anymore.

The thought that my future will be so lonely is completly terrifying me.

And all I can do is shake.

...

If anyone chooses to talk about you and your life behind your back, it obviously means they find you more interesting than they find themselves. As Oscar Wilde said, There's only one thing worse than being talked about and that is NOT being talked about.

People in this world.

I have no idea how such a sick sick mind can be given.

How you can take someone's life away for having a different choice from you.

Arguing, as humans, we all do it.

But to kill someone?
to take someone's child off them.

Your worse than sick.

Infact words can't describe how much of a disgusting person you really are.

Long time no blog!

Recently I havn't wrote as many blogs as I Previously did. I used to love ranting and raving, but when you have people stalking your profiles and blogs to gain information in you then It gets a little scary, as these people, who once claimed they were my friends have now completly fucked me over. But I'm not going to let it get me down!
I have a Trade Test exam to get onto my level 3 in my hairdressing, however as Amber ususaly does, she finds a way to fuck it all up! But Instead I have an interveiw with my barbering tutor to enroll on my L3 barbering course, so I suppose there is always a silver line in the grey clouds!
So I am attempting to get my life back on track after this say disasterous year I've had, and I'm now begining to spend more time out and about with friends as opposed to sitting in my room crying and moping about my life!
I suppose I am pretty lucky and feel blssed lately, to live a rather healthy and stable life and be able to see and hear beautiful noises that are around and see beautiful things that the world is made of.
I'm counting how long It'll take befor I;m back to my miserable self,
I''m hoping it's a while away...
I love this feeling

Does Money Bring Happiness?

I don't belive money brings happiness in itself, I belive money offers financial security and that's it. But I belive the Security makes it easier to be happy. So No I don't believe the money makes you happier... but the security it brings does!

Well Well Well

Do you really get your jollies from slagging me off publicly? Darling, it's me I LOVE the attention, so carry on doing what your doing, your actualy making me feel quite special :D! I Love you for it!!

Anyway, I'm sick of being fucked around by everybody, so new changes are coming within me. Anyone messes me about, I don't care how many tiems your relatives die, or what mood your in, you will NOT be given a second chance!

Sorry if that sounds so hard..... But...

Ach theres no but about it,

Im just sick of people

Peace fucking out :D:D:D:D:D:D:D!!!!!

Forgiving

If somebody hurts you, never spitefully hurt them to 'get one over'. Because you never ever know when you will accidently hurt them and you'll need there forgivness. Forgive them and they'll forgive you.

moorfields station!! Sorry I geged..... you .... mad woman XD toilets or what? <3 x

Yep, the toilets..... LMAOOO!

Ask me anything, I WILL answer no matter what

1. I hate The Way You always Say probabaly instead of'yes' it confuses me.
2. I Hate the way you can never afford to come out with me.
3. I Hate the way You can sometimes offend me and not mean to,
4. I hate The way you changed a few months ago.
5. I hate the way soemtimes you don't notice my hair.
6. I Hate The Way you Never answer Your phone
7. And I hate the way how your always sad sometimes, because i can't make you happier

7 things I love about you1.
I Love the way you always say Probabaly instead of yes.. it excits me and makes em wonder whast going to happen.
2. I Love the way when you cant afford to come out, we always stay in together
3. I love the way you are always so apoligetic when you offend me slightly.
4. I Love The way I made you realsie you chasnged and you came back to me fighting for me.
5. I Love the way you dont notice my hair being horrible some days.
6. I Love the way when im down you hug me and when your down you let me hug you.
7. I Love How Kind You Can be.

Also.

I love the way your eyes change colour.
I love how dark your hair is.
I lvoe through what we;ve been through i can still trust you.
I love the way your the only person who can understand me.
I love the way you can annoy me alot but i'd still do anything for you.
I Love the way i can tell you to die and you know Im Only joking.
I love how happy you make me feel.I love how you try to kiss me in public and I say no.I
Love how no one knows about us.
I love how i can be hypocritcal and you still won't judge me for it.
I lvoe how my hair, make up and clothes can be horrible and you can still call me beautiful.
I love the way I can fart infront of you and not care.
I love how i know you'll always be there for me.
I love how i can tell you I don't love you and you still know i Do.
I love how we can fight, but still talk the next day.
I love How you Saved Me From nearly Dying.
I love how you made me feel beauitful and worth while again.
I Quite Frankly love everything about you And everything i dislike about id replaced by at least 1000 good things about you.I Love You

..say they want to die happy?
wouldnt it be easier to die sad?
would u really want to die happy?
because then happiness ends.
but then if you die sad then sadness ends.

Where is the most outrageous place you've ever had sex?

Moorfields Station :P

Ask me anything, I WILL answer no matter what

Would you ever be part of a 3-way?

now that depends who's asking and who's taking part ;) LMAO

Ask me anything, I WILL answer no matter what

I forgive you

I forgive you for fucking me over, If I choose not to forgive you It will only leave me bitter, and I don't want to be a bitter person.

Just over 24 hours

She's away and I'm already losing my mind!

Always knew how important beth was to me, and thats why i HATE her going away!

I'm not just being a tit, She didn;t wanna go aswell.. so Im being nice by agreeing with her :D

but she'll be back tommorow evening and I can see her on monday :)!

so I've been basically trying to keep myself busy busy busy like a bee the whole time she';s been gone.

Havn't got a fuckign clue how I lasted 3 whole weeks a couple of years ago!

And Yes, I am clingy, but I don;t care, at least I have soemone who like's being the other side of the velcro I can cling on to :D.

bon soir! [sp????]

:D

Ok guys, Warning, I WILL be having the most vile hair over the next few months, because I'm grow my dyes out! JUST SAYIN'!

Happy 20th Birthday KCC

Have a wonderful day... as I have... with my day off :D!

I'm not too sure if any of the other clases are off or whether it is just my class.

I would like to go to town but I'm waiting to hear if someone is coming home early or what.

Guess I'll just have to wait and shop around another day!

Peace Out Liiiirds :D

How do I love thee?

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.I love thee to the depth and breadth and heightMy soul can reach, when feeling out of sightFor the ends of Being and ideal Grace.I love thee to the level of everyday'sMost quiet need, by sun and candle-light.I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.I love thee with a passion put to useIn my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.I love thee with a love I seemed to loseWith my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath,Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose,I shall but love thee better after death.

Fantastic weekend

you thought you'd spoiled it but you hadn;t!

had a lovely friday evening with my other half and then went to a concert on the saturday with deadf school, suggs, ian broady and keviin rowlands.

Was pretty amazing!

Wish it hadn;t ended.

what a tribute to the wonderful Eric shark!

Oh well, off to life back in college for another week, then beth goes away and im left all alone!

Fuuuming!

My story, I havn't thought of a title yet!

I'm very sorry it's not good. I just scraped a GCSE at english and Im terrible at storys, But I attempted it :)


I hate this. Every morning. Every night. The same routine. I hate my life. But I love him. Befor you pass judgement, he doesn't make me do anything, I CHOOSE to do it. Infact... He doesn't even know what I do. all I know is it's completly worth it. I hate doing it, but it's the only thing I can do.
I sit infront of my bedroom mirror. The bedroom is tiny, but it's all we can afford. It's not what I wished for as a child, but aslong as I had my boyfriend I didn't care. I look into the silver glass and run my hand through my long dark hair. I don't even have the energy anymore to do anything with it, so I oull it up into a high pony .. I look so young. I'm almost nineteen but I could easily be mistaken for a sixteen year old school girl, which is innapropriate in this profession, but maybe that's what some of the clients go for.
I slip my supermarker uniform off, and pull a short black dress over my head. It's hanging off me as I have lost so much weight recently, but I've got more important things to worry about than how much I weigh.
I fix my eyeliner around my eyes, and smugde it, men still fall for the panda look. I stand up and hear him move in the bed. he rolls over. His dark sunken eyes stare into mine. He smiles. A smile that would look half hearted to a stranger, but I know that he means it. I smile back at him.
"Where are you going baby?" He always asks the same question every time I go out. "Out to work again?". I nod my head towards him. He lifts his arms up, asking silently for a hug. I hate this, I want to hug him, I really do, but I know I won;t be able to let go. He'll kiss me, and I won;t be able to say no. I'll kiss him and we won't be able to stop. I love him more than anything. So I crawl into the bed next to him, and wrap my arms around him, and lay on the bed with him.
"Your going to make yourself ill one of these days" His lips press against my shoulder, I spin around connecting my eyes with his and let my figners play with this thinnened hair. He closes his eyes and kisses the inside of my wrist "You work to hard".
"I don't mind working, and anyway" I kiss his cheek "someone has to pay the bills"
"Lily I am so sorry" He plays with my hair and rests his fingers on my cheek "I promised I'd look after you, your the one looking after me"
"Ever thought Myabe I LOVE looking after you?" I stand up from the bed "Im going to have to go"
"I love you, Lil" He pauses "More than anything" My eyes begin to burn and my nose stings, Oh god, how much I want to cry right now. I love him. I want to drop everything. I want to just crawl into bed with him. Look after hin. I hate seeing him in pain. Evey minute he's in pain. This is why I do what I do.
It's the worst feeling in the world. The person you love more than anything, suffering from a painful disease, and the only way you can help them is by being unfaithful and dishonest.
"I Love you" I say, befor pulling my jacket over me and closing the front door. I walk down the steps, along the road for about ten minutes, wondering if I would even make any money tonight. I think of how I would rather be home, in the arms of my boyfriend. The only thought that kept me sane, that perhaps oneday. I wouldn't have to lie anymore. I wouldn't have to sleep with random horrible, dirty old men for money to keep him well. That one day he would be ok. We would be together. In a big house. Nice clothes, nice TV, just security. Just happiness. I oull myself together and stop thinking of these thoughts when a car pulls up beside me. I open the passenger door.
I get back home feeling dirty, disgusting. the same as every night, I almost trip pver him on the floor, he's scrunched up. I throw my bag across the room and run over to him, bending down to reach him.
"Baby?! Baby?! Baby?! what's wrong?" I pull him over onto his back and lift him up. I run over to the kitchen cupboard and get his medication out. I pass it to him and guid the glass of water into his mouth. I thhen pick him up and lay him on the bed.
"Are you feeling okay Now?!" I pull the blanket over him.
"I am now your here" He moves so his head is resting on my chest like a child would rest on his mother, tears run slowly down his face "I hate not being able to do anything for myself lily."
"Hey" I wipe the tears from out fo his face "You'll be better soon, and you can, you will be able to be normal again really room, I promise"
"And what when we can't afford the medication anymore? What's going to happen?" He begins to sob looking up at me.
"I promise you, We can, thats why Im working two jobs so we CAN afford the medication baby" I wipe his tears away again "I promise you, you are going to be fine, Please just rest"
We lay there together for a while. Just listening to the traffic outside, then he spoke to me. "If I get-" I cut him off.
"WHEN you get better" I Kiss his forhead
"Will you marry me? when we can afford it?" I pull away and look at him "Please"
"your being serious? You want me to marry you?"I ask, finding it hard to belive He pushes his lips against mine.
"It's all I want. I want you to be mine and I want to be yours forever Lily, I want to live with you, I want to have kids with you, I want a life with you."
"That's All I want" I nod my head "Of course I will" He embraces me tightly.
"I love you" I whisper, He smiles at me.
"I love you". We fall asleep together in one anothers arms.


The next morning.
This morning.
It's over.
My Life.
It's all over.
I woke next time him. The Man I would do anything for. Everything I had dreamt of. The dreams we had. Nothing. Empty. Crying. Sobbing, shaking. Shaking him. Trying to wake him, His cold face, his cold lips.
He was gone.
He was dead.

I AM

Actualy begining to feel rather annoyed.

When certain people will say that everyone is entitles to an opinion.

Yes they are, but for them still to be able to talk to you they must express the same opinion as you.

I do apoligise.

But I would rather be stuck with one friend who respects what I think, than have to be forced to change my opinion on everything to stay friends with a few extra people.

Nothing more shocking than...

someone your own age, and soemone you used to see alot dying.

R.i.p Jaymes, you will be so very missed!

:(

I havn't felt this sad In so long.

I don;t know Why Im this sad.

It might be because Im going back to college, but i love my course.

So I don;t knwo what It is.

I miss beth and she;s only in hers.

I feel so sad.

I honestly just can't seem to explain why

What is it that you most desire out of life?

As cheesy as it sounds, happiness, security and love :)

Ask me anything, I WILL answer no matter what

Is it true that you are shaving all your hair off to make a coat?

No, it might look it becase my hair is falling out atm, but no it's not true.

Ask me anything, I WILL answer no matter what

Volvic Challenge

I May do!

1.5 litres of volvic Or water that I can cheaply afford everyday, for 2 weeks. no harm in trying! Alot of peeing!

nom nom how's you?

Hello :DI;m Good thank, how about you?

Ask me anything, I WILL answer no matter what

My dream

Had a dream with all my old school friends last night! I miss 'em tbh!

what would you do if you only had a day left to live?

Spend it with the People I love and the person I love.

Ask me anything, I WILL answer no matter what

do you play any instruments?

French Horn, and a bit of keyboard :).

Ask me anything, I WILL answer no matter what

would you like to stay in liverpool or would you want to move away?

I absolutly adore where I live. I know so many people who say 'I hate liverpool, I can;t wait to move' I think I am one of the very few people who, If I didn't move out of liverpool, I would be extremly happy :)

Ask me anything, I WILL answer no matter what

I

am now official sick to death of helping people. Getting myself upset over other people just to be told horrible stuff about myself. Please if you dislike me so, tell me to my face.

Do you tickle Chickens?

Nayyy! never been near a live chicken!

Ask me anything, I WILL answer no matter what

Respect

To earn respect, you must first respect others. Don't demand respect if you have none for the people around you

Happy Easter!

Happy easter everyone.

already annoyed at someone being fucking lazy.

but anyway, I hope you all have a lovely day with your eggs :D

Would you rather be with a writer or someone with a 9 - 5 job?

i'd rather be with a writer... more of an imagination :P

Ask me anything, I WILL answer no matter what

Would you rather be with a writer or someone with a 9 - 5 job?

9-5 job. I hate writing. Hairdressing is usualy 9-5 and that will keep me happy for many many years :D

Ask me anything, I WILL answer no matter what

Who do you want to be with more than anyone in this world?

myself.

Ask me anything, I WILL answer no matter what

Is sex better before or after 4am?

it's emant to be brillaint AT 4am but I've never stayed up that long to have it at that time i think haha!!

Ask me anything, I WILL answer no matter what

Do you prefer Funny or Serious People?

They both have there uses, soemtimes if semone is 24/7 funny its incredibly annoying, and people whoa re 24/7 serious, you just want to punch, a nice 50/50 is just fine :) especialy sarcastic people haha! there's amazing :D

Ask me anything, I WILL answer no matter what

Romantic film or tastful comedy?

romantic film :) but with a BIT of comedy in.. not too much though... thuigns TRYING to be overly funny is just annoying ¬¬

Ask me anything, I WILL answer no matter what

What quality do you find most appealing / disgusting in people?

People robbing my food :@

Mopst disgusting is probabaly ignorance. I can understand peoople being nasty because thats the person they are, but i just HATE ignornace.

andf there isn;t a aprticular quality i findf appealing really, just kindness and careing about others, theres ALOT

Ask me anything, I WILL answer no matter what

Harder the better? How do you like eggs?

Im not into eggs :P Lmaooo

Ask me anything, I WILL answer no matter what

S&M or M&M's?

M&M's please! not really into S and M :P

Ask me anything, I WILL answer no matter what

Last night

Had a pretty good night last night. Shame for my unwellness!

One more day until Easter Sunday :D

Eggies sorted!

Not as much fighting

Nice music.

Hair ALMOST done.

Clothes Ready!

SORTED!

going to Mass later! looking forward to it x]!

A morbid thought just crossed my mind

Everytime we hear a clock tick were one second closer to death.

Possibly the worst song to have in your head when trying to sleep!

O DEATH, rock me asleep,
Bring me to quiet rest,
Let pass my weary guiltless ghost
Out of my careful breast.
Toll on, thou passing bell;
Ring out my doleful knell;
Let thy sound my death tell.
Death doth draw nigh;
There is no remedy.

My pains who can express?
Alas, they are so strong;
My dolour will not suffer strength
My life for to prolong.
Toll on, thou passing bell;
Ring out my doleful knell;
Let thy sound my death tell.
Death doth draw nigh;
There is no remedy.

Alone in prison strong
I wait my destiny.
Woe worth this cruel hap that I
Should taste this misery!
Toll on, thou passing bell;
Ring out my doleful knell;
Let thy sound my death tell.
Death doth draw nigh;
There is no remedy.

Farewell, my pleasures past,
Welcome, my present pain!
I feel my torments so increase
That life cannot remain.
Cease now, thou passing bell;
Rung is my doleful knell;
For the sound my death doth tell.
Death doth draw nigh;
There is no remedy.

Happy Good Friday guys!

Ok perhaps I shouldn't be saying 'Happy' but I couldn;t think of a better word! well the weather outside is pretty dull TBH, which is a crappy start to the easter holidays. I'm going out with Bethany later to finnish off buying my easter presents for friends and family.

Woke up with the worst skin immaginable, plus I didnt sleep very well AT ALL last night. Hope things get back to normal soon,

4Music

I was watching Morrissey on 4music last night and when looking in the audience I seen a guy i was speaking to at the echo arena bottle concert :')

Lmao

Goodtimes!

What Is Love

was asked by a friend what love was, and after a while of thinking i realised i couldn;t put it into words exactly what it was.
the closest way i could describe it:
Love is the greatest feeling you can feel. Warmth, comfort, happiness, excitment and hope all at oncem when the person you love loves you back. It;s one of the greatest feelings in the world that anyone can have.
However if that person doesn't love you in return it can be the most painful experience of your life. Sadness, Sickness, Dispair and hopelessness. It's one of the worst feelings you will ever know, words can't describe the pain until you have been through it.
No one ever get's over a lover. They will always rememeber them everyday until they die. However it is our own choice as to how we act to it. How we choose to live with it. Do we live everyday crying over that person who never loved us back? Or do we live life and meet more people who are going to break are heart? How do we know that instead of 'marrying the one' we lose them in the first stages of our lives and never get them back again.
How do we know when we've lost are chance? And how do we know when we have more chances left..?
We All suffer when love goes wrong, but how do we learn to live through the pain? Is there some kind of strength we gain even though we feel completly hopeless.
The only person who we need to gain returned love from is ourselves. We will never be loved if we can't love ourselves.
Live for yourself
Not For the Love of another.
It's not our choice to feel pain.
It's our choice if we wish to suffer from it.

Maundy Thursday!

Because I thought it would be disrespectful to put 'Happy Maundy thursday'.

I hope everyones day has treated them well.

I'm currently coping with a banging headache that I think I still have from yesterday after eating FOUR cakes in one day!

Im freezing and sitting in bed watching Juno.

Nice relaxing day HOPEFULLY.

xx

I'm not a toy of convience

As so many people have proved thats all I am over the past few months.

If you can;t be bothered with me all the time don't be bothered with me at all.

Im not your friends when it suits you.

I'd rather be friendless than have people who are only bothered when it suits them and when they can be arsed.

Formspring :D

http://www.formspring.me/LilyHepburn

Ask anything.

I will Answer ANYTHING :D

Gosh

This thing Has REALLY changed, thought I was making a new account then my old one decided to pop up! I need to blog more frequently now, It explains my moods, perhaps I need to get my 'rage' Out :D!