Who am I?

I don;t even know that myself.

When I was younger I wanted to be beautiful, Sophisticated, clever and independant.

I wanted to be a teacher or a nurse, I wanted to look after others, I can't even look after myself.

I act younger, I feel younger, but I can only get on with people 5 years my senior, but I bore them, I'm too childish for them.

I want to be attractive, and to make friends so easily, but I lack all confidence.

I am not the woman I wanted to grow up to be. I'm still the little girl who's life is going no where.

The 4 year old me.

If my 4 year old self looked at me now, she'd shit and run. This is far from what i wanted my life to be when i got older.

The 4 year old me wanted to go to University and be a teacher.

The 4 year old me wanted to be perfecct and always nice to people.

the 4 year old me didn't expect half the shit that's happened to me, to happen.

The 19 year old me didn't get the grades she intended and couldn't ever be a teacher.

The 19 year old me has learned always being nice to people means letting people walk all over you.

And the 19 year old me is looking at myself now and wondering what the hell is happening.

Lily