My life is going no where.
I'm stuck.
There is nothing here anymore.
Since when did I get to this point?
since when did the little path of happiness become invisible and they i find myself miles from where I wanted to be,And I don't know how I got there.
Why are things so meaningless and mundane.
All I want is someone to care and things to go right.
I have no friends, I fell out with them.
My family prefare my much more talented Brother.As they've said I have acheived nothing. What is the point anymore?I fail to see it.
Frankly, I am terrified.

People tell me I look well.

That means I'm doing good.

I'm a good person.

You always fucking mention him,

Never me.

You don't give a fucking shit.

I'm last to them.

Last do you,

And I don't even come into question, with most of you.

Sick.

Sick of my phone.

Sick of people.

Sick of my life.

I just want to move away and start again.

I can't do this much longer.

I know exactly what I want out of life, it's just getting there...

For years I have always stuck to the belief that if you keep quiet, keep sensible, no harm comes to you. Even though this is partially true, what is a life if you never live dangerously and try new things.

Yes you never get hurt because you never take a chance. But if you don;t take a chance, there is a good idea that you may never have the opportunity's again.

Live Life, do the most adventurous things, and if things go wrong, take the consequences, apologize, fix people back up and carry on looking forward, never look back on the past.

Looking back on the past makes you unable to see the future. Come on would you walk down a road and look behind you, and not to the front.

I am terrible for feeling awful amounts of depression. But what does it do? it can partially be controlled by medication, but that only cure's the symptom's, not the desease, and only you can cure yourself.

Look forward.
Love forever.
Live for always.

It's Christmas Eve, and I can't stop crying, why havn't things worked out the way they were meant to? My life is going no where.

If I wasn't here, it wouldn't really affect many people.

I don't affect anyone's life enough for it to effect them.

I'm a background charactter in my own life...

Nothing makes sense anymore.

This isn't fair.

Don't feel bad for me I want you to know Deep in the cell of my heart I really want to go

I would kill just to be able to go out and relax.

To sit in with my friends and family and just eat.

I could kill for tea with a biscuit like old days.

I need to do this.

this is why you got like this in the first place.

I need to change.

I need to be beautiful.

I am incredibly happy No one even reads my blogger... people may ask why I even type it them.

Idk why I do.

Idk why I do alot of things.

Even my idol hates me.

“As I get older, the adoration increases. I’m never without him. It’s almost biblical. It’s like carrying your rosary around with you.”

Arctic Weather.

Well I had a rather cold day.

Waited at the station at 9 o clock and didn't get the train until quarter to 10.

1.5 minutes after, I arrived at my station, and eventualy got into hospital.

coming back I waited half an hour for the train and got on, went to kirkby, turned back and went to liverpool.

Going into liverpool Central, We were stuck Underground so had to come BACK home.

My teeth ache.

My Jaw aches.

My hair is greasy and horrible.

I want to shop.

and I'm skint.

But I'm relativly happy.

It's hypocritical

Of me to cry. But please I'm terrified.

Well.

Aren't you a cunt.

It's amazing, how you've only been arsed about the people insulting you and making rumours up, but the people who have defended and stood up for you since you fucked things over, what we mean fuck all and your far to 'busy' to be bothered with us?

You'd be know were without your fans.

The people adding you on Fb aren't real supporters, they are people looking for a little bit of celebrityism.

I admire Elliot for being so kind to his fans and giving them the time and respect they deserve.

Fuck you.

Idiot.

I'm sick of arguing.

Sick of arguing with my parents.

I know myself better than anyone.

I know myself better than all my friends.

I'm not ill.

Leave me alone.

Being in hospital, makes you ill.

I'm not in hospital.

Therefore I am fine.

Stop forcing me.

I've disgusted myself this this weekend.

I'm horrible.

Is that not good enough?

My Letter to David Cameron.

Hiyer Dave.

Just asking a big favour, Could you pleease issue the people of Britian buckets and spades?

It would help move the snow!

And vouchers for free wooly socks!

If you do this, I will send you and SamCam and the Babz A free Maccies (:
I am cold.

And If I die I blame you.

Lots of love,
Me (:

Happy 7th Birthday Holly

Weather’s ruining everything.

Little cousin had to get her party cancelled in ‘time out’ and no one could get to her house!

At least she was happy with her little ‘netbook’ and pink phone (:!

Happy 7th birthday Holly!

Never mind "Winter hates your face".

Winter hates my feet!

OUCH!

Wake up.

Breath.

Wash.

Breath.

Get dressed.

Breath.

Do hair.

Keep Breathing.

Apply Make up.

Breath some more.

See people.

Breath again.

Smile.

Try to Breath.

Go home.

Breath.

Go to bed.

Keep breathing.

Wake up again.

Breath again...

I wish I Was as strong as you.

So beautiful.
So strong.
Why can't I be as strong and as beautiful As you?
I'm weak.
Stupid, and weak.
disgusting.
Ugly.
Revolting.
Why are you even here?
I was asking myself that.
Not you.
I deserve this because I'm a horrible disgusting person.
Weekend of 'fun'.
Just my weekend of torturing myself.
Making out I'm fine, but I'm really not.
I love watching you leave just for a second so I can get rod of everything I've dissapointed myself with.
But it's too late.
It's already deep inside me and unable to escape.
God, please help me.

I look at you and can tell from a mile off you don't understand.

I can;t bring myself to tell you that some morning I just don't want to wake up.

Everything seems to get harder each day.

And everyday you seem more and more distant from me.

I just want one person to care and love me and understand.

you say you love me. You say you understand, but you haven't got a clue what's going on at all.

To be told 'I'll try and see you'

'I'll TRY and get there'

Now it's just turning to a

'I'll TRY to be their for you'

'I'll TRy but i don't want to'

This isn't fair anymore.

Why can't you see I'm clearly lying.

Your meant to be able to see this glass front I'm putting on.

Your meant to love me.

I'm Trying So hard

To be beautiful

Karma.

Sometimes, I feel Karma doesn't exist.
It's just something people tell others to make me them feel better, and In reality everyone can go around treating people like shit and destroying their lives without anything happening to them.

FML

Seriously.

What's the point in anything anymore?

Not long until christmas!

And Im not christmas shopping until NEXT weekend!

How am I going to manage!

Oh well!

hopefully my sore ankle will have fixed itself!

I hope so!

Sorry about my lack ofblogging, I will get around to you all again!

Love you!