Long time no blog!

Recently I havn't wrote as many blogs as I Previously did. I used to love ranting and raving, but when you have people stalking your profiles and blogs to gain information in you then It gets a little scary, as these people, who once claimed they were my friends have now completly fucked me over. But I'm not going to let it get me down!
I have a Trade Test exam to get onto my level 3 in my hairdressing, however as Amber ususaly does, she finds a way to fuck it all up! But Instead I have an interveiw with my barbering tutor to enroll on my L3 barbering course, so I suppose there is always a silver line in the grey clouds!
So I am attempting to get my life back on track after this say disasterous year I've had, and I'm now begining to spend more time out and about with friends as opposed to sitting in my room crying and moping about my life!
I suppose I am pretty lucky and feel blssed lately, to live a rather healthy and stable life and be able to see and hear beautiful noises that are around and see beautiful things that the world is made of.
I'm counting how long It'll take befor I;m back to my miserable self,
I''m hoping it's a while away...
I love this feeling

Does Money Bring Happiness?

I don't belive money brings happiness in itself, I belive money offers financial security and that's it. But I belive the Security makes it easier to be happy. So No I don't believe the money makes you happier... but the security it brings does!

Well Well Well

Do you really get your jollies from slagging me off publicly? Darling, it's me I LOVE the attention, so carry on doing what your doing, your actualy making me feel quite special :D! I Love you for it!!

Anyway, I'm sick of being fucked around by everybody, so new changes are coming within me. Anyone messes me about, I don't care how many tiems your relatives die, or what mood your in, you will NOT be given a second chance!

Sorry if that sounds so hard..... But...

Ach theres no but about it,

Im just sick of people

Peace fucking out :D:D:D:D:D:D:D!!!!!

Forgiving

If somebody hurts you, never spitefully hurt them to 'get one over'. Because you never ever know when you will accidently hurt them and you'll need there forgivness. Forgive them and they'll forgive you.

moorfields station!! Sorry I geged..... you .... mad woman XD toilets or what? <3 x

Yep, the toilets..... LMAOOO!

Ask me anything, I WILL answer no matter what

1. I hate The Way You always Say probabaly instead of'yes' it confuses me.
2. I Hate the way you can never afford to come out with me.
3. I Hate the way You can sometimes offend me and not mean to,
4. I hate The way you changed a few months ago.
5. I hate the way soemtimes you don't notice my hair.
6. I Hate The Way you Never answer Your phone
7. And I hate the way how your always sad sometimes, because i can't make you happier

7 things I love about you1.
I Love the way you always say Probabaly instead of yes.. it excits me and makes em wonder whast going to happen.
2. I Love the way when you cant afford to come out, we always stay in together
3. I love the way you are always so apoligetic when you offend me slightly.
4. I Love The way I made you realsie you chasnged and you came back to me fighting for me.
5. I Love the way you dont notice my hair being horrible some days.
6. I Love the way when im down you hug me and when your down you let me hug you.
7. I Love How Kind You Can be.

Also.

I love the way your eyes change colour.
I love how dark your hair is.
I lvoe through what we;ve been through i can still trust you.
I love the way your the only person who can understand me.
I love the way you can annoy me alot but i'd still do anything for you.
I Love the way i can tell you to die and you know Im Only joking.
I love how happy you make me feel.I love how you try to kiss me in public and I say no.I
Love how no one knows about us.
I love how i can be hypocritcal and you still won't judge me for it.
I lvoe how my hair, make up and clothes can be horrible and you can still call me beautiful.
I love the way I can fart infront of you and not care.
I love how i know you'll always be there for me.
I love how i can tell you I don't love you and you still know i Do.
I love how we can fight, but still talk the next day.
I love How you Saved Me From nearly Dying.
I love how you made me feel beauitful and worth while again.
I Quite Frankly love everything about you And everything i dislike about id replaced by at least 1000 good things about you.I Love You

..say they want to die happy?
wouldnt it be easier to die sad?
would u really want to die happy?
because then happiness ends.
but then if you die sad then sadness ends.

Where is the most outrageous place you've ever had sex?

Moorfields Station :P

Ask me anything, I WILL answer no matter what

Would you ever be part of a 3-way?

now that depends who's asking and who's taking part ;) LMAO

Ask me anything, I WILL answer no matter what

I forgive you

I forgive you for fucking me over, If I choose not to forgive you It will only leave me bitter, and I don't want to be a bitter person.

Just over 24 hours

She's away and I'm already losing my mind!

Always knew how important beth was to me, and thats why i HATE her going away!

I'm not just being a tit, She didn;t wanna go aswell.. so Im being nice by agreeing with her :D

but she'll be back tommorow evening and I can see her on monday :)!

so I've been basically trying to keep myself busy busy busy like a bee the whole time she';s been gone.

Havn't got a fuckign clue how I lasted 3 whole weeks a couple of years ago!

And Yes, I am clingy, but I don;t care, at least I have soemone who like's being the other side of the velcro I can cling on to :D.

bon soir! [sp????]

:D

Ok guys, Warning, I WILL be having the most vile hair over the next few months, because I'm grow my dyes out! JUST SAYIN'!

Happy 20th Birthday KCC

Have a wonderful day... as I have... with my day off :D!

I'm not too sure if any of the other clases are off or whether it is just my class.

I would like to go to town but I'm waiting to hear if someone is coming home early or what.

Guess I'll just have to wait and shop around another day!

Peace Out Liiiirds :D

How do I love thee?

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.I love thee to the depth and breadth and heightMy soul can reach, when feeling out of sightFor the ends of Being and ideal Grace.I love thee to the level of everyday'sMost quiet need, by sun and candle-light.I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.I love thee with a passion put to useIn my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.I love thee with a love I seemed to loseWith my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath,Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose,I shall but love thee better after death.

Fantastic weekend

you thought you'd spoiled it but you hadn;t!

had a lovely friday evening with my other half and then went to a concert on the saturday with deadf school, suggs, ian broady and keviin rowlands.

Was pretty amazing!

Wish it hadn;t ended.

what a tribute to the wonderful Eric shark!

Oh well, off to life back in college for another week, then beth goes away and im left all alone!

Fuuuming!

My story, I havn't thought of a title yet!

I'm very sorry it's not good. I just scraped a GCSE at english and Im terrible at storys, But I attempted it :)


I hate this. Every morning. Every night. The same routine. I hate my life. But I love him. Befor you pass judgement, he doesn't make me do anything, I CHOOSE to do it. Infact... He doesn't even know what I do. all I know is it's completly worth it. I hate doing it, but it's the only thing I can do.
I sit infront of my bedroom mirror. The bedroom is tiny, but it's all we can afford. It's not what I wished for as a child, but aslong as I had my boyfriend I didn't care. I look into the silver glass and run my hand through my long dark hair. I don't even have the energy anymore to do anything with it, so I oull it up into a high pony .. I look so young. I'm almost nineteen but I could easily be mistaken for a sixteen year old school girl, which is innapropriate in this profession, but maybe that's what some of the clients go for.
I slip my supermarker uniform off, and pull a short black dress over my head. It's hanging off me as I have lost so much weight recently, but I've got more important things to worry about than how much I weigh.
I fix my eyeliner around my eyes, and smugde it, men still fall for the panda look. I stand up and hear him move in the bed. he rolls over. His dark sunken eyes stare into mine. He smiles. A smile that would look half hearted to a stranger, but I know that he means it. I smile back at him.
"Where are you going baby?" He always asks the same question every time I go out. "Out to work again?". I nod my head towards him. He lifts his arms up, asking silently for a hug. I hate this, I want to hug him, I really do, but I know I won;t be able to let go. He'll kiss me, and I won;t be able to say no. I'll kiss him and we won't be able to stop. I love him more than anything. So I crawl into the bed next to him, and wrap my arms around him, and lay on the bed with him.
"Your going to make yourself ill one of these days" His lips press against my shoulder, I spin around connecting my eyes with his and let my figners play with this thinnened hair. He closes his eyes and kisses the inside of my wrist "You work to hard".
"I don't mind working, and anyway" I kiss his cheek "someone has to pay the bills"
"Lily I am so sorry" He plays with my hair and rests his fingers on my cheek "I promised I'd look after you, your the one looking after me"
"Ever thought Myabe I LOVE looking after you?" I stand up from the bed "Im going to have to go"
"I love you, Lil" He pauses "More than anything" My eyes begin to burn and my nose stings, Oh god, how much I want to cry right now. I love him. I want to drop everything. I want to just crawl into bed with him. Look after hin. I hate seeing him in pain. Evey minute he's in pain. This is why I do what I do.
It's the worst feeling in the world. The person you love more than anything, suffering from a painful disease, and the only way you can help them is by being unfaithful and dishonest.
"I Love you" I say, befor pulling my jacket over me and closing the front door. I walk down the steps, along the road for about ten minutes, wondering if I would even make any money tonight. I think of how I would rather be home, in the arms of my boyfriend. The only thought that kept me sane, that perhaps oneday. I wouldn't have to lie anymore. I wouldn't have to sleep with random horrible, dirty old men for money to keep him well. That one day he would be ok. We would be together. In a big house. Nice clothes, nice TV, just security. Just happiness. I oull myself together and stop thinking of these thoughts when a car pulls up beside me. I open the passenger door.
I get back home feeling dirty, disgusting. the same as every night, I almost trip pver him on the floor, he's scrunched up. I throw my bag across the room and run over to him, bending down to reach him.
"Baby?! Baby?! Baby?! what's wrong?" I pull him over onto his back and lift him up. I run over to the kitchen cupboard and get his medication out. I pass it to him and guid the glass of water into his mouth. I thhen pick him up and lay him on the bed.
"Are you feeling okay Now?!" I pull the blanket over him.
"I am now your here" He moves so his head is resting on my chest like a child would rest on his mother, tears run slowly down his face "I hate not being able to do anything for myself lily."
"Hey" I wipe the tears from out fo his face "You'll be better soon, and you can, you will be able to be normal again really room, I promise"
"And what when we can't afford the medication anymore? What's going to happen?" He begins to sob looking up at me.
"I promise you, We can, thats why Im working two jobs so we CAN afford the medication baby" I wipe his tears away again "I promise you, you are going to be fine, Please just rest"
We lay there together for a while. Just listening to the traffic outside, then he spoke to me. "If I get-" I cut him off.
"WHEN you get better" I Kiss his forhead
"Will you marry me? when we can afford it?" I pull away and look at him "Please"
"your being serious? You want me to marry you?"I ask, finding it hard to belive He pushes his lips against mine.
"It's all I want. I want you to be mine and I want to be yours forever Lily, I want to live with you, I want to have kids with you, I want a life with you."
"That's All I want" I nod my head "Of course I will" He embraces me tightly.
"I love you" I whisper, He smiles at me.
"I love you". We fall asleep together in one anothers arms.


The next morning.
This morning.
It's over.
My Life.
It's all over.
I woke next time him. The Man I would do anything for. Everything I had dreamt of. The dreams we had. Nothing. Empty. Crying. Sobbing, shaking. Shaking him. Trying to wake him, His cold face, his cold lips.
He was gone.
He was dead.

I AM

Actualy begining to feel rather annoyed.

When certain people will say that everyone is entitles to an opinion.

Yes they are, but for them still to be able to talk to you they must express the same opinion as you.

I do apoligise.

But I would rather be stuck with one friend who respects what I think, than have to be forced to change my opinion on everything to stay friends with a few extra people.

Nothing more shocking than...

someone your own age, and soemone you used to see alot dying.

R.i.p Jaymes, you will be so very missed!

:(

I havn't felt this sad In so long.

I don;t know Why Im this sad.

It might be because Im going back to college, but i love my course.

So I don;t knwo what It is.

I miss beth and she;s only in hers.

I feel so sad.

I honestly just can't seem to explain why

What is it that you most desire out of life?

As cheesy as it sounds, happiness, security and love :)

Ask me anything, I WILL answer no matter what